Love, the missing health ingredient

“Take two of these twice a day with food”

That’s a pretty standard phrase you’d agree right from a pharmacist, GP, herbalist or nutritionist prescribing a medicinal healthcare solution.

How about?hug

“Ensure you have four hugs, a minimum of 1 hours chat with a friend, time in nature and 20 minutes with a pet daily.”

Not so common huh?

I think the healthcare profession is missing a bit of a trick when it comes to the most vital part of any health recovery programme and that is that no improvement happens unless you have love in the mix.

Obvious? Yes. Ever mentioned? Hmmm.

Whilst you might think that it’s not healthcare’s place to talk about love (it’s a given isn’t it, everyone is loved right? err, no not always), studies show that those that have caring friends or families recover far faster than those left to convalesce on their own.

When I look back at my own health story, there was one significant person that was hugely responsible in me turning my life around. I used to joke about spending time on their ‘magic sofa’. In reality, they had a sofa and they used it, whereas I rarely stopped long enough to do such a thing. Then there was the hugs, the fact they had the time to listen to me, they took me away from home and we did fun stuff together, they were a champion of my success and I had someone to care about too. We did odd diets together, shared the same interest in spirituality and were generally joined at the hip. I gave as good as I got, but basically, they looked after me till I found my feet again.

I have lots of experience of doing animal rehabilitation and the love solution works for them too. Positive physical touch, good nutrition, security, consistency, a pleasant environment, company, sufficient stimulation, a safe place to rest and a chance to express themselves are all the cornerstones of rehabilitation and staying well. All the above are supporting activities that can be seen as payments into the health bank account.

So how?

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Get yourself a support network you can trust

So how do we turn things around when we are facing a health challenge? We need to create for ourselves a support network. A support network is a team of people that contribute to our health and wellbeing and share our common goal of being well. Some of these maybe friends and family members and some maybe healthcare professionals from different specialisms. You might choose a nutritionist to look at your diet to ensure optimal cell nutrition, a chiropractor to address the health of the nervous system, a counsellor, psychiatrist, Mind Detox Practitioner or meditation teacher to address our mental health, a somatic healer to look at our physical health, a religious leader or healer to look at our spiritual health and our regular friends to help us remember there is a world outside our health challenge.

Are you worth it? Of course you are. Despite what your past experiences might of been, everyone deserves to be loved.

Knowing and being aware of the importance of love in the health equation is the first step towards bringing this reality to you.

Be aware of any contradicting thoughts you have towards this fact, as these will be your limiting beliefs that will sabotage your success if left unchallenged. Write a list if necessary of all your thoughts around the statement “I deserved to be loved” so you can shine your light of consciousness on any hidden sabotaging beliefs you may have.

Love is crucial if you are to heal. You are born from love and will return to love when you die, but please make sure you live a life of love whilst you are here too.

What’s your truth?

One of the things I have to do as a therapist is create a safe space for people to explore feelings and emotions they may not have known they were carrying.

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Through the Mind Detox Method, one of the things we do is ascertain the emotional reason associated with a belief that your unconscious mind tells us is linked to the symptoms and behaviours you are experiencing.

When I went through the process myself in 2010, I had no idea I was holding on to so many emotions! I certainly had no realisation I carried so much hurt around seemingly trivial things and to release a lifetime’s worth of anger was certainly a positive experience!

It’s hardly surprising though; emotional literacy is something that is only just about gaining mainstream traction, and even then it’s seems more acceptable to the younger generation than those that were brought up in an era where emotions were to be stuffed down and ignored because your country needed you and you had a job to do!

However, the modern day world is waking up to the idea of emotional literacy and emotional health as more and more people become conscious and the old ways of working have their limitations and problems.

Emotional literacy is the ability to connect to and process strong feelings and emotions. These may be both positive and negative emotions ranging from extreme happiness to feelings of hopelessness and despair.

An example of emotional literacy in action is a baby – an individual that expresses themselves with complete freedom. In adults you may see it in strongly authentic leaders, in healers and sages and poets and those that work in the arts.

Examples of people with low emotional literacy are harmful psychopaths, often those with health challenges, excessively shut down employees or parents or dictatorial leaders.

Most people sit on the spectrum somewhere in between.

My job as a healer is to help people be OK with their emotions wherever they may be. Either through positive touch (Reiki Healing) or creating a safe space for people to be listened to and heard I am able to help people process and release difficult emotions that may be causing them behavioural challenges. People often find that once these emotions have been processed and allowed to go that life flows more smoothly and they feel more free.

It takes real courage to open up Pandora’s box and explore what is within. However those that do are often grateful they have. In particular with the Mind Detox Method, many discover that they cannot even remember the problem or emotion once the session is done. This is because there is a very clever line in the method simply asking the unconscious mind to deliver the learning that would neutralise the problem in such a way that the person would feel as if the problem never existed.

imageIf you or someone you know might benefit from a technique that would help people to let go of the past and any emotions connected to it so they can be more fully in the present moment, then please share with them this article.

For more information about the Mind Detox Method and some success stories on how it has helped others, please visit www.MindDetoxTunbridgeWells.co.uk.

Holistic Day

DSC_0023On Sat 23rd May, Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells, in conjunction with Reiki Mark Cross and Jikiden Reiki Health hosted another of their popular Holistic Days.

These days are a chance for those that are interested in wellbeing and health to experience new things, meet new people and have a day on enjoyable self care.

DSC_0022The morning started with a talk by Ishaya Monk Garuda on the experience of peace. Garuda shared how with the right tools this can be very easy as all the mind ever wants is to rest back into its true infinite nature. His talk comes at a great time as we are hosts to a First Sphere course here in Mark Cross on 10-12th July.

DSC_0035After a short break, our next session was lead by the gigglicious Caroline Hart – a local Life and Laughter Coach who lead a session of Laughter Yoga.

Caroline showed us how easy it was to bring more joy and laughter into our life as she walked us through all the different laughter sounds, laughing for no reason, bill laughter, gibberish compliments and two gibberish interviews, culminating in free-fall laughter where you literally roll around on the floor laughing for no reason at all (so much easier than you would imagine!).

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The afternoon was given over to Reiki Swaps with several people having the opportunity at experiencing and giving healing for the first time. The idea that the simple laying on of hands brings positive benefits to others can be a bit of a revelation for some – but it is true – you can! With a fair few people considering training to be Reiki Healers as a result.

DSC_0020Some £165 from the event was raised for the charitable cause, Ren’s FMT procedure, which I have received a heartfelt thanks for. If you, or anyone you know would like to make an additional donation to this cause and relieve a financial stress for someone very lovely, you can do so here: www.gofundme.com/boywhocanteat


DSC_0007 (2)The next Holistic Day is on Sat 26th September, 9.45am-4.30pm. The day will start with a session with the fabulous HorseSense UK therapy horses, followed by a talk on life coaching by the inspirational Hazel Addley of Hazel Addley Coaching. The afternoon will be given over to Reiki treatments and a chance to receive and have a go at giving healing yourself. Tickets for this event can be purchased here: www.eventjoy.com/e/holistic-day-2047399

We look forward to you joining us!

Do you practice self-compassion?

I have this fantastic Tuesday morning meditation group and we talk about all sorts of things like our week and our experiences, but mostly the focus is on helping them to get into balance with what is going on in their lives.

selfcompassionOne of the topics that comes up is their outer projections on the world around them and how they feel about themselves.

Today we talked about depression and the stigma that goes with it. Almost everyone in the group had experienced depression at some time and all agreed that it wasn’t particularly pleasant. What the group however didn’t know and realise was that depression is actually a positive sign – a side effect of being in a relatively good space and the body using that opportunity to do something about old issues and heal.

Depression is defined as feelings of being sad, miserable or low for either a short period, or in the case of clinical depression for a longer period of time. It tends to make people want to withdraw and participate less in life, or can create erratic or excessive behaviour to cover up the feelings of being sad. It has many causes such as diet, trauma (job loss, death of a loved one, a relationship ending), side effects from medication or as a result of another illness so it requires a little bit of sleuth work to determine from where the depression may originate.

Historically, I believed depression to be a bad experience – one to be resisted and avoided through keeping busy, maniacally trying to control my outer environment and through avoiding my trigger stimuli. However, all my training and more recent life experiences has turned thoughts and feelings about depression on its head. In order to become a therapist you must first go through hour own learning experience. I trained in three key practices – Mind Detox, Reiki healing and Equine Assisted Learning. Each of these gave me a fascinating insight into the mechanisms of depression and how it really wasn’t the bad experience that I had come to judge that it was.

First of all, Mind Detox taught me that all feelings and emotions in the body comes from beliefs. If I have the belief I should be loved (should is a judgemental word) and I wasn’t then I would create an experience I would likely try and resist. This belief is likely to create an emotion, in my case it was sadness, and I will go through life looking to find more and more reasons to prove my belief right. Go back via the Mind Detox Method to determine that belief and emotion I can see that despite not being loved as much as I might have liked, I was loved enough to still be here and that whole belief system isn’t serving me so I can choose to change it to something else like “well done me, I survived and have come good even though times were tough, I rock!”

The Reiki taught me a lot about creating a safe and supportive space for people that are going through difficult experiences. It also taught me that all positive experiences come from a place of love, so by providing that space of love for myself and others I created an environment in which I would thrive and I would be able to heal and provide healing to others, whatever that journey was.

Finally, the Equine Facilitated Learning taught me about authenticity. Unlike humans, horses don’t have well developed egos. If a horse feels down they have no qualms in showing it. This fearless authenticity opens up a space for others to share and express how they really feel. It’s not uncommon for those with hidden challenges to express their emotion to a non-judgemental horse in a way they never would to a human. Horses also value balance, so given a choice and the offending stimulus removed, a horse does not stay depressed for long. They are fantastic self-regulators and have no issues asking their herd or humans for healing or for help.

In order to restore ourselves to balance when we experience depression we must address the cause of our depression. If it is emotional, this requires us to feel our sadness fully so the imbalance may be acknowledged and dealt with. This could be a change in our thinking, or receiving the positivity, love and nurture required not experienced at the time to offset a difficult experience.

Seeing as symptoms of depression only come up when the body is in a position to heal they are actually something to be grateful for. Far more worrying is the person that pushes themselves hard to ignore how they are feeling that ultimately ends up in a far worse way. You wouldn’t ignore a warning light on your car or a rapidly extending mountain of debt, so why ignore your accumulating sadness and ignore your mental health? Trust me, I’ve tried – it doesn’t go away!

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There is also a positive side to the way depression makes us behave. It forces us to retreat within, which stops us from experiencing more harmful stimuli. It is also a sign to our tribe around us that we are hurt and in need of help and love. In the horse herd, depression is treated by other horses staying close, mutual grooming and extra attention from the most nurturing mares. It is a herd responsibility to deal with the emotional wellbeing within the herd as survival depends on it. Now contrast that with how some humans treat and reject depression – ouch!! Depression is difficult enough, let alone when you add an extra burden to it by labelling it as bad.

And this is why I ask, do you practice self-compassion? When you are depressed and down, do you love yourself enough to stop and deal with those feelings of sadness? Do you know when something is bigger than what you can handle on your own and let others know you are in need of their kindness? Or do you judge yourself and say you have failed and it to the list of things that make you feel down?

In my experience, as people work through their sadness and put their light of consciousness on it the depression eases and their symptoms naturally go. For some this is a small task, and for others it is larger. What is left is a deeper sense of strength and an inner resilience.

I have a lot of respect for anyone that is willing to deal with their reasons for depression because I know how much courage that takes. What I hope I have done today is taken away a little bit of the myth that depression is bad and something to be ashamed of, and that there is no one out there that understands or would help. It is true, no one has had your unique experience of depression except you – you are special in that sense, but there are others out there that understand its mechanism and what the body is trying to tell you and that want and know you can be well. My entire mission in life is to create a safe space so that others and I may heal.

So make it a mission to practice self-compassion, which is patience and loving kindness to yourself and wherever necessary reach out for help. Depression isn’t just your problem, its responsibility actually lies with everyone.

Do you set an intention for your relationships?

I used to live in a very reactionary fashion prior to my learning about the ins and outs of relationships, which meant I was at the mercy of my unconscious mind and lived my relationships through the filters of my past. This made them volatile and insecure, success was by complete chance and I had no power of getting the outcomes I wanted.

Now my experience is very different. I understand that what I focus on I will get more of, which means if I am in a situation I don’t like I must focus on what I want. So if someone is not listening to me, I will focus on that person listening. If I want to build a deeper connection with a person, perhaps because I want to do a piece of work with them or I would like to spend more time with them and get to know them better I might focus on that person trusting me or having that person’s respect and enjoying my company.

This frees me up to take the inspired action I must take to get there and fills my body with positive biochemistry, which is enabling, rather than negative biochemistry, which shuts the body down.
By focusing on what I want rather than what I don’t want I know that even if I have to take a very obscure path and wait for the other person to come round to my way of thinking, I have at least given myself the best chance of getting there.

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Try it! If there is someone you would like to have different relationship with, ask yourself, what do you want? Now visualise yourself with that final outcome. Now here’s the critical bit, by keeping one eye on the final destination you must start by deciding what the next small step is in front of you. It may be that it is only one thing you have to do to get to where you want, and in other situations it is many many steps. There are no shortcuts, only what you are capable of at the time, but the focus must be on the here and now.

And finally, only you can decide whether you want to go through with your initial intention. You may find on tour journey things end up panning out differently to how you expected or that no matter how much you visualise your success the other person says no. Respect these things as you would want them respected for you as this is the beauty of relationships – they offer enormous potential for growth and I think that is something to be celebrated!

Why positive thinking is essential

I love Ekhart Tolle’s description of negativity. He describes it as ‘resistance to what is’. It describes a state of being in denial of an event or experience(s) and not allowing that event or experience to flow through or a turning our consciousness away from it.

Us Brits, we love a bit of negativity! It seems ingrained into our culture. I live near Royal Tunbridge Wells, a rather well to do town in South East England, which has this comical saying – Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells. To quote www.disgustedoftunbridgewells.co.uk:

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells was the nom de plume of a prolific writer of letters to the “Thunderer” – the  London Times – during the first half of the 20th century. His alias became almost as widely known as the title of the Fleet Street newspaper itself, and was synonymous with diatribe. He delivered scathing attacks on organisations and individuals that came to his ultra-critical attention.

Yep, us Brits have been known to have a large appetite for complaining, it must be all the rain.

However, enjoyable as this complaining way of life might be for some, what outcome does negativity get us?

I am a bit of an expert on the matter. I don’t mind saying that I used to be well practised at negativity. I come from a high performance background, so I was very used to getting feedback on my performance. In a genuine attempt to get the best out of me I would be regularly subjected to feedback on where I needed to improve. “Must pull knees up more strongly” one ballet exam remarked. “Clever but careless” my Primary Teacher said. I very rarely got the sense was ever enough, so I started to look for my own faults so I could rectify what was clearly a failing within me. This approach gave me certainty and purpose, but most importantly it was a strategy to get me more of what I really wanted, which was actually acceptance and love.

For others, negativity is a way to connect – it gives them something to talk about with others or a way of one up-manship. Its akin to Saying “Look how much better I am than that”. It’s also a way to take attention away from our own perceived failings, because negative people are nearly always equally as harsh on themselves.

Addictive biochemistry

Each time we complain and are negative it reinforces a neural pathway, gives us more evidence to support our resisting beliefs and gives us a biochemical hit. Such biochemistry is pretty addictive, so we look to repeat it when that particular hormone hit drops low. Also, it is what we know – so it feels normal to us, we see no need to be any different.

That biochemistry is also telling our body how to behave. The only outcome I can possibly imagine comes from negativity is the command to the body to “shut down, the end is nigh”. This is felt or experienced in different locations according to the reason for the negativity and with what it is in relation to. For example, resisting what you see has in my experience resulted in sight loss, resisting what you hear I have noticed creates hearing loss and not wanting to digest particular ideas I have seen show up as gut issues.

POsitivity Creates

There is also another element to this equation. If negativity takes something away, then you are also not doing the counterpart – you are not creating the positive things that would support you.

We live in a creationary world. This means, we literally create our world through our conscious, and far more importantly, unconscious thinking. Most of it we don’t know about, because we never stop to listen, but its ticking along there in the background doing its thing creating our body, our behaviour, our physical environment and our circumstances.

So if you are in the habit of negative thinking not only are you systematically destroying your life, you aren’t creating anything new to replace it with. This is really very significant indeed because we create our wealth, we create our environment, we create our healthy physical bodies and we create our relationships.

I know of people that have had experiences that are so difficult for them to process (and they have therefore resisted) that they literally can’t get out of the house, or even get out of bed. They react to unseen stimuli, which makes their body freeze or steals away all their energy, and they have no idea why. Through the Mind Detox Method and other techniques we have started to unravel the thoughts and emotions behind these behavioural patterns to start to unlock what is going on in their mind, so their body and life can return to balance. Each tiny step towards letting go of that resistance opens up the natural flow of life and provides an opportunity to move forwards and creation again to take place as homeostasis returns.

I know from my own experience, this is an exceptionally brave journey to take. To do so is to let go of all you know and you have to embrace a new way of being with no idea or guarantee of the outcome. What is particularly brave is when things are at their worst, and this is usually where we have resisted them to a point we now simply have to take action, we are usually in a situation that we are terrified whatever we change to could be worse than what we have now, and we simply can’t cope with anything worse so we feel even more vulnerable and helpless.

Where does stuck-ness come from?

In my experiences the negativity comes from a significant trauma to the individual, one that has threatened their sense of self and been in deep contrast to what they know. This can be a one off shock experience such as witnessing an argument or physical violence in a normally happy home, a sudden loss of love, a physical trauma such as severe illness through to prolonged neglect or bullying. If there is not enough support at the point at which the trauma happens and no chance to process it, the body and mind must resist it, so it remains trapped – most often in the unconscious mind. Whilst it is trapped it creates the biochemistry that shapes our life and our behaviour producing symptoms such as loss of sight, hearing, digestive, and breathing, issues, slow wound healing, poor cell regeneration, low/no-immunity, inability to do what is necessary to bring in income, relationship issues and family breakdowns.

It is the role of another blog post to look at what exactly needs to happen in order to turn negativity and resistance around, but simply put it requires the opportunity to do what is necessary to bring things back to balance and let the body and mind come back to normal. This might be a physical intervention such as chiropractic or massage, talking therapy like Mind Detox to address emotional issues or spiritual support like Reiki healing or religious practice.

Whatever the trauma, it is my experience that it is possible to recover. My own ongoing journey shows me this, because I have come a long way from someone that hadn’t the energy to get a job and slept through most of my lectures at University to someone that is busy and active and has a fond love and appreciation for life!

If you, or someone you know is experiencing a lot of negativity – please show them this article. It is my experience that our health conditions can be so misunderstood as our bodies failing us, when in reality they are doing what they must to survive. It is after all, our true nature to grow and balance and health is our birthright.


bec_murph_200x280Becci Harvey is a Mind Detox practitioner, Master Reiki Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here.

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