The reason you are lonely 


When we choose to judge and be hateful to others, it is us that feels lonely.

Loneliness is a loss of connection. It is where we have chosen to close our heart to ourselves or others, maybe because we don’t agree with behaviours or beliefs, or we feel we or they have wronged us in some way.

When we decide we don’t like someone or ourselves and we cut them or parts of ourselves out of our life, we naturally experience a feeling of loss and aloneness. We can be in a room full of people and yet feel alone, isolated and disconnected.

If this is our reality, if left unrealised and not addressed, over time the chances are we might start to create being alone in our physical world. It starts by us reaching out and interacting with others less, we might start to persuade ourselves we are better off alone and stay in more or stop seeking new friendships, and then ends in complete physical, emotional and spiritual isolation.

It is only when we come to realise we are lonely that we are able to start the return journey to connection.

To be fully connected is to love ourselves completely, but actually, there’s a bit more to it than that.

The cosmos is within

To understand ourselves, we must understand that the entire cosmos exists inside of us. Whilst it may appear that the world appears outside of us, this isn’t true! The entire world we perceive outside of us is a projection from within. If we are connected to all parts of us within, we will experience connection to all experiences without with love and compassion.

This is why those that are loving and accepting have more connections than those that are judgemental and critical.

Can you see how ironic the behaviour of being judgemental is? We try and separate ourselves from what we don’t like so we can have a better and more loving experience and instead we end up isolated and alone and experiencing less love!

This means the path out of loneliness is truly an inwards journey. It means taking the qualities or behaviours that we don’t like in others and coming to forgive them and love them in ourselves.

So, for example, if we have a problem with other people judging us, it is an invitation to stop judging ourselves. If we dislike those that have a temper, it is for us to resolve and let go of the times we get irate and have a temper ourselves. Remembering the entire cosmos is inside of you means that sometimes these qualities may feel deep or very far away, but if we are seeing it outside of ourselves, it is because it exists somewhere in the cosmos within.

Hard and unattractive though this approach to some may sound, it does at least give us a pathway back to wholeness and connection. It gives us back the power to make a change to our experiences, so that we may experience something different.

Perhaps the first step is to reach out to someone or a group of people that can help you reconnect to all of you internally. Find people that know well how to heal their inner experience so you can ask them how they did it. Having help and guidance on such a journey is an important aspect of growth, as it speeds up our development and helps us persist and stay on track through the difficult days. It is also the first step to loving that beautiful quality of connection inside of ourself. And as you will find, as you start to love within, you will experience love without – because love is very magnetic, and attracts more love to it.

2 flights of stairs? No worries


I’ve just been on a 2 day Calm Cure course at Regent’s University, London. I learnt many wonderful things and met many wonderful people, but my overriding take home is this.

A few people on here would have known me at Nottingham University, but you probably didn’t realise how hard I found it to climb the two flights of stairs to get to the Food Ethics lectures. I’d feel hideous at the top, and it’d be a constant battle to stay awake. If it was a dark lecture room, then the chances were my head would be on the desk within 10 minutes, my eyes would be shut and I’d be ‘listening’ for about 2 minutes and I’d be asleep or battling to stay awake by 15 minutes in. This happened in almost every lecture. I was exhausted, and had been for years. (Lord only knows how I got a 2:1.)

Fast forward to this weekend. I’ve been up and down these stairs about 10 times almost without thinking (except to realise how different life is now!) Severe pain and fatigue is incomprehensible to me now.

If it hadn’t have been for the courses I did, like the one I did today, none of that would have been possible.

Back when I was at uni I had no idea how conflicted and mentally shattered I was. Now, it’s obvious to me why I had M.E., but back then I knew much less. Lots of people knew much less.

Today the room was full of people that were willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, they don’t know it all yet – that there is more to explore. They also seem to have a much stronger grasp on being beyond the mind than most. It’s refreshing.

Help just one…

I didn’t hugely want to share, I’m a pretty private person, but if it enlightens just one person, particularly anyone with M.E. or knows someone with M.E., then I’ve done my job.

Everyone’s route out is different but for the record mine was:

  • Acupuncture
  • Chiropractic
  • Nutrition
  • Friendships
  • Horses
  • Meditation
  • Reiki
  • Equine Assisted Learning
  • Ascension meditation
  • Mind Detox

The last few except Ascension meditation I trained in so I could share the benefits I’ve had with others.

But perhaps the most important thing of all was a willingness to explore doing life differently, and all the people that made it possible for me to do that.

Thank you to you all. xx

#CFS #ME #ChronicFatigue

20150522 Barbara Yeo Photography Becci Harvey-14 lr

Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainerReiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.

Just for today, be grateful

Today, I will be grateful, but not for the little or usual things – today I have tasked myself to be grateful for all the things that I would normally be resistant to.

So for me that might be something like how I feel (which is dozy), the large amount of work I have, demands on my time outside of work and how much pressure I feel under sometimes. Today I am going to be grateful for all THOSE things.

Gratitude has an enormous, transformational power. It doesn’t have the ability to change your circumstances, but it does have the ability to change your relationship with them.

When we become grateful for something that is difficult for us, we expand our capacity to love, accept and move forwards through experiences rather than being stuck.

And being well is all about moving through experiences, whereas being ill is all about being stuck.

So join me in a day of gratitude. Together, let’s strengthen our capacity to move forwards and be well.

If you like what is written here, you’ll like our Tuesday and Friday morning Meditation and Development groups. We talk about important topics such as the impact gratitude has on our life and health and apply to our lives through a meditation practice. For more information visit

Symptoms aren’t always bad

I’ve been a bit quieter than normal this week because I’ve had an interesting digestive issue. The experience has required me to be a bit more gentle with myself, look at some of the reasons I might be going through this, and doing the psychotherapy work to clear the cause of the issue.
I’ve been on a health journey since I was 19, so 19 years now, and in that time I’ve got to see a good many things, delve deep and prove and disprove myself a number of times.
One of the things I have learnt on my journey, is to not jump to the conclusion when a bunch of symptoms crop up that it’s a bad thing. Having been both sides of the health experience, first as a client, and then as a provider – I’ve a unique insight into the inner and outer world of humans. By this I mean the impact of our mind (thinking), our relationship to our mind, and the content of our thinking.
Our thoughts influence the way we behave, and our relationship to our thoughts affects how present we are to life (versus being distracted). When we are distracted, we pay attention to our thoughts whether positive or negative. We might do this by analysing them, reliving them, having thoughts about our thoughts! In doing so we take our attention away from being aware of the bigger picture and instead put all our focus on one small thing and make it bigger. It doesn’t matter whether this thought is truthful, healthy or of value or not, when we become very involved with a thought, we are capable of becoming only aware of that thought, to the exclusion of everything else. This is what we do when we become obsessed with something. We become addicted to the biochemistry and experience that the thought produced and we seek what it gave us over and over again – unsustainably.
To be attached to our thoughts like this, is to live a rollercoaster experience, swinging from high to low. We constantly feel like their is no stability, we have no certainty and we have lost control. The more we think, the more our mind will give us to think about, so then we find we can’t stop thinking and then we feel overwhelm a desire to let go of thinking and have it all stop – almost everyone I know has had that experience.
It’s critical to know when we’ve become lost in thought. Typical symptoms of being lost in thought are:
– Stressed
– Feeling vulnerable
– Overwhelmed
– Scared
– Disconnected
– Anxious/afraid
– Depressed
– Ill
– Emotional
– Analysing/paranoia
These are all key signs that we have become trapped in our mind, and we’re not using our full faculties such as heart, gut and soul to live.
So when I got symptoms for something, this week, the first thing I knew I needed to do was put my Self into a still, silent, space and stop the mind chatter that, if I am honest, has been building up for a while.

An opportunity to go inwards

The great thing about being ill, when you allow yourself to be ill and not in denial about it, it means it’s OK to stop and not work for a bit. Being ill is an opportunity to go inwards and clear something that’s been playing out for you – for my case for quite a while, though till this week, I’d not prioritised it enough to address it.
So I spent some time looking and listening inwards, asking my Self, what was really going on with my body that right now fully needed my attention? (Looking and listening – not analysing – big difference). I made some lifestyle choices with my food and went and sought professional advice (outside opinions are critical to seeing an experience objectively). As I delved in to explore the experience, I kept constantly saying “Thank you” – as I know this has come up for me now at a time I can address it and I will be better off when it has gone.
I used Sandy Newbigging’s BODY CALM techniques to clear out some of the unhelpful habitual thoughts I have that cause any body to be stuck and not in a state of flow. These techniques address issues and beliefs for things such as not being secure, supported and strong enough – common mis-held beliefs around those that are sick.
As I used the techniques, I could feel old, stifling beliefs come up to be released – really unhelpful old beliefs that stop people asking for help, trusting those around them to take of them, their own ability to let go of an issue and return to balance, and that they deserve to be well. Using the directory at the back of the book, I was able to delve into the common reasons for digestive issues and acknowledge those that were true for me. They gave me deep and valuable insight into behaviour patterns I hadn’t been aware of, and the CALM thought to bring me back to centre. As the week has progressed, my symptoms have subsided and instead I get the feeling I am being given the most wonderful opportunity. My body is clearly giving me the chance to fully let go of my unhelpful thinking, feeding back through physical symptoms when I am on the right track. My reason to stick with it and see it through to the end? No longer being sick!!
I don’t expect my Self to clear this issue instantly (though I may). It’s taken me years to get this sick, I’ve been working hard at making myself unwell! So I appreciate it is going to take me time to reverse my illness – just like it did with my M.E. The powerful thing being, if I created it, I can uncreate it. There is no reason why I should remain ill.
Am I weak for getting ill? No! I am human and I have picked up all sorts of different stresses and mis-placed beliefs throughout my life. This latest illness is just the opportunity to look at this area of my life and make different decisions that won’t just affect my health, but many other areas of my behaviour, relationships for others, ability to be a practitioner and general wellbeing.
So my illness is really a gift, and my symptoms are a great reminder of whether I am on track or not – and they are welcome to stay, support and guide me on my journey, as long as they need.

20150522 Barbara Yeo Photography Becci Harvey-14 lr

Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainerReiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.


BOOK REVIEW: Sandy Newbigging’s BODY CALM

Body Calm is a meditation technique for your body working with the body’s innate ability to heal and return to normal when given the right environment. CALM stands for Consciousness Aware Life Meditation. The book (and audio cd) is written by health and meditation expert Sandy Newbigging, author of Peace for Life, Heal the Hidden Cause, Thunk, Mind Calm, New Begginings and most recently Calmology (not yet published).

Body Calm is a step by step guide to the Body Calm technique, how harmony heals and how to go deeper with the technique and embody it into your life.

Written in three parts, part 1 looks at the importance of rest, the scientific research behind the benefits of meditation, the consequences of a busy mind and the basic Body Calm technique and the reason for the Body Calm phrases. The basis of the technique is to apply a state called GAWWO  (Gently Alert with your Awareness Wide Open) to switch off thoughts (it is impossible to think in GAWWO) and then from that state introduce a Body Calm statement that has life affirming properties, then locate that statement in a specific part of the body before returning to GAWWO.

Part 2 looks in greater depth at the mind-body connection. It looks how beliefs drive our experiences, why you want to be in harmony with your emotions, how to release yourself from being stuck in the past, out of love with the present, hating your body or being unwilling to listen to your heart. Sandy explains the content vs context model to shift yourself from problem focus to context focus and the power that that has to bring you peace.

Finally, part 3 of the book looks at how to take the Body Calm knowings and apply it to your specific situation. This section contains a fabulous directory of health issues and their common causes. Born out of his extensive meditation and Mind Detox work, Sandy has created a quick and easy guide that looks at the parts of the body, the organs of the body and illnesses of the body, and supplied a Calm thought for each that might be out of harmony through mind-body-soul conflict.

For example, the mind based cause of gall stones is listed as:

“Unresolved hurt(s), loss, feeling like you should have done more with your life, anger towards self, unforgiveness”

The calm thought is: “I am peace with what’s happened and capable of creating.”

I found the book to be exceptionally well written, and apart from the science section I found it a fiendishly easy and practical read. The technique itself is very easy and is well explained and I felt inspired to play with it. There are helpful tips along the way too, so just when I found myself thinking “ah, BUT…” the tips helped me remain connected to the book’s core message and not get caught up in resistant thoughts.

The middle section gives you a very compelling reason to explore all that the book has to offer. Even as a Mind Detox practitioner I added to my knowledge base and felt heartened that messages and experiences conveyed. I enjoyed too that Sandy thinks along the same lines as me – that with the right insight into how us human beings operate; you can transform your life experience. I genuinely felt the book had been written as a conversation to me personally.

The directory at the back provides such a valuable and absolutely fascinating insight into the causes of many common illnesses, a truly eye opening experience. With the rest of the book so well written to appeal to the lay person, I have every confidence when I give this to my clients that they will be able to appreciate and understand it’s message and the technique to bring greater clarity and calm to their life. A life changing read.

 Both books are available in hard copy via Amazon, and on Kindle for under £10 and via Sandy’s website:

Why you over think and a much easier alternative

Overthinking can lead to serious problems

When your mind is thinking incessantly is has a grip on you that pulls you out of reality and into an imaginal world. 

We can often notice it in others, severe depression and pessimistic behaviour and speaking, living a fast paced life fuelled by the need to impress or be liked or distorted perceptions around our body.

These scenarios happen because when put into a stressful situation that we couldn’t cope with (often when we were young) we did the only thing we knew, try and think our way out of the problem. 

And this becomes our default response to stress, thinking.

We look for all our problems and try and ‘fix’ them, we obsess over what is wrong, we mither over what did ‘go wrong’, we worry about what ‘might’ go wrong – we’ll do anything to not go back to a non-thinking state because for us, this is when the problem happened and we associate that state with not being safe.

When in this situation of over thinking or ‘mind-grip’ we begin to move into dangerous territory. Addiction, bulimia, anorexia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, suicidal thoughts, self-harm – these are all driven by the mind over-thinking. 

Like an unruly teenager left to run riot, our mind can go bezerk and our body, relationships and life all cop the consequences. 

By the time we realise our mind has a grip on us or the that we have the symptoms of mind-grip, often we’ve been heading down a mind-led destructive path for a while.
It can be different though. 
An over-thinking mind can be addressed, people can find alternative ways to deal with life stress; people can recover.

When thinking is such a common response to stress it is unsurprisingly then, that the practice of meditation – a way of permitting the thinking mind to release it’s grip and return to a resting state – is as old as humans are.

Very few people are exempt from life stress and the mind’s knee-jerk reaction to overthink – so meditation has been a widespread practice through all cultures since the beginning of time.

Meditation allows us to process our experiences through the greater awareness that is our true essence, rather than analysis, rumination and over thinking. It brings in a far greater resource, one that is capable of experiencing anything and remain unharmed. This part of us does not judge, have an attachment to how things ‘should’ look, push away what it doesn’t like – this part of us is simply an observer to it all. It’s truly the most beautiful part of you, a place of deep completeness and love. 

The solutions to our symptoms caused by mind-grip is to rest in this bigger part of ourselves and stay there. 

To some it might sound crazy right? No-one ever told you about any such thing when you were growing up, and in part – you might be right! 
But you know now.
There’s this big huge resource known as your awareness that can cope with anything – bereavement, divorce,  poverty, job losses, bullying, ill heath, abuse – it can cope with the lot and remain completely intact and unmoved. 

Not only that, but resting in this part of us is the easiest thing to do in the world! Thinking is hard, whereas resting in awareness is easy.
In part 2 of this article, I will look at the ways you can return yourself to a resting and aware state and how to stay there. We’ll look at what your experiences might be like in this state and to be aware of the ways your mind might try to draw you back to thinking (it’s what you know after all!)

And if any of the above resonates and you’d like to find out more, get in touch via and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Praise vs blame – how unfelt emotions and inaccurate beliefs are keeping you stuck

A client was sharing with me this morning how dramatically her life had turned around since doing Mind Detox. She’d been doing other approaches too, along side meditation and Reiki sessions, but for her it was the Mind Detox that had created the shift.

At the same time, I had been pondering the futility of blame. It had come my attention, that blame is something we do, or have been taught to do, when we don’t want to feel something. For example, I blame the weather for my mood, or I blame my parents for not teaching me right or wrong. The moment I blame, I give away all power and stop my Self from feeling blue, or the healthy shame from making a mistake that stops you doing it again.


Blame: responsibility for a fault or wrong

By doing blame (which is one of the lowest vibration emotions out there), I don’t stop the emotions being present, I just don’t feel and therefore allow them to pass. And if I don’t feel and allow my emotions to pass, that must mean that I store them up adding to them each time I choose blame over feeling.

To have a more realistic understanding of our relationship with blame, I invite you to do a little exercise. Notice where in your life you apportion blame. It may be for something small like the state of the kitchen, or for something big, like the state of the economy. Blame has become such a subtle, yet prevalent part of our culture, I found I wasn’t aware I was doing it till I looked and then I became horrified how often it showed up in our media and day to day conversations.

One of the things I do, is blame others for my mood. Being very empathic (sensitive to others), I am easily swayed by the moods of others, and then I am very good at blaming them for the way I feel.

Working with my example of being empathic, you have to ask, what gain does blame bring me? The answer is, not having to be responsible for my experience and to not have to feel some of the despair, sadness, hurt and anger of some of the people that come to me. To sit with the emotions of others, to not judge them, to accept them and be deeply and unconditionally loving is a tough thing to do and if I am honest, I don’t always want to do it!

But if we know this quick fix cure of blame isn’t working for me, leaving me disconnected and overwhelmed by emotion – what can I do to be ok and be at peace with life?

The later is a very good question (great lives are full of people asking very good questions). Asking my Self, at a time when I am not in the throws of wanting to blame others, I am able to put together some useful strategies and suggestions to navigate those experiences where I am so quick to jump to blame. In my example I could:

  • stop, put my Self into a meditative state and be present for the person that is struggling
  • be encouraging and supportive and show I am listening
  • take time out to recover and put something back in after if I feel depleted
  • be compassionate (love + wisdom), is there a solution that person would be open to that might help?
  • accept things as they are, including the fact I am an empath and I need to look after my Self as a result
  • drop all judgement
  • feel what I am feeling fully in the context of space
  • ask for support
  • know the person that is in a bad mood isn’t doing so on purpose, their mood is not a reflection of how they feel about me but more likely a reflection of their inner judgement of themselves. In short, it’s not personal
  • set boundaries. If there is someone that puts me in a bad mood more than I can handle maybe bring it to their attention and speak with them about it. If that is not an option, consider my suitability in that situation – I might be wise to remove my Self from the problem
  • ask someone to help me see if I have a blindspot that is putting those around me into a bad mood in the first place
  • build up my inner resilience and compassion, so I can handle challenging situations and can offer more solutions.

As you can see, there is a lot I can do that keeps my power within my Self, rather than giving it away to the person, place or thing I am blaming.

So why praise?

Praise is an alternative to blame. Praise is an appreciation of something for what it is, and the opposite of criticism or judgement.

Thumbs Up

Praise is an uplifting emotion

Praise is an uplifting emotion. When we praise something, we are saying what we think is good about it, we are putting the energy of awareness into supporting more of what we want. Praise does not take away from the facts of a situation, more it looks for the good in and allows us to accept things as they are. For example, when in my situation of being affected by other people’s moods, I could choose to praise the following things:

  • that I am a sensitive and in tune being
  • I am kind and compassionate to others
  • I care about others
  • I want to make a difference and make the world a better place
  • I am able to be a supportive help to others
  • that I am being given the opportunity to grow and develop resilience
  • that I might want to seal my energy up and focus on my Self more, rather than paying so much attention to everyone else
  • that I am learning a useful and valuable life skill of a protective shield around who I am
  • that this is a chance to go inwards and be a powerful force for good, rather than scatter my energies outwards.

All that has a much more positive, growing, uplifting spin that dismissing an experience with blame. The later approach will not just benefit me at the time, but at all times. And of course, the capacity to extend it is endless. I am pretty sure it makes me a much nicer person to be around too.

So you see, the facts of the situation have not changed, but my relationship to it has.

Beliefs play their part

What brings about the shift, is how we change our beliefs about a situation. In Mind Detox we talk about beliefs being conclusions formed or around us at an early age. They may feel true, but they are based on inaccurate data that sees some, but not all of the equation.

No matter how much I believe I am not loved, the truth is, I am.There are times when the people around me behave in a way that doesn’t come from love, but this does not affect the fact I am loved underneath it all. Same with blame, we may believe that blame is the best way to deal with something, but it is an incomplete awareness that costs us in the accumulation of unfelt emotions.

Beliefs can be very powerful saboteurs of our happiness and our success. Many atrocities have happened on the base of beliefs. We may punish ourselves for not being smart enough, or spend years in the belief we must look a certain way to fit in whilst neglecting our inner pull to accept ourselves and know we are ok as we are. When skillfully challenged, our beliefs don’t hold weight and that is when we see them as powerful drivers of our behaviour, based on some or misleading data.


With the Mind Detox Method, we work with both beliefs and emotions. In significant difficult experiences, if the emotion is not fully felt at the time, a belief may form to support the emotions existence. Life may go on, but the emotion remains unresolved and the belief continues to support it. This has the consequence of dumping the biochemical response of that belief into our bodies day in day out, multiple times a day as the unconscious mind mulls it over and over.

For example, the belief “I am not loved” (accompanied with the emotion of sadness) may cause a person to shut down and become introvert. It may cause you or me to put off making new connections for fear of rejection and evoking the original emotion of sadness (which we are in the habit of wanting to avoid). We may find many reasons why we are not loveable. Perhaps we are not talented enough? Or we are not physically appealing enough? We might think we are the wrong age, gender, ethnicity or shape. We will literally scour our mind to find all the reasons to support the belief we are not loved.

We’ll go to the ends of the earth to find evidence for these beliefs too. It is the nature of the mind that it will continue to find evidence to prove our beliefs true (the opposite is a somewhat stressful experience called cognitive dissonance). As we seek to find more and more evidence, we might change the way we behave. We might, for example, try extra hard at a sport or an art form to get love and approval from that (whist all the time, secretly trying to prove that no matter what, we are not loveable). If that doesn’t work, we may become disillusioned, and look for love in a chemical addiction, through things such as drink, drugs or food – except deep down we know that that doesn’t work either. Eventually, we may get so caught up on our beliefs that we are not loved, and it cause us so much suffering and pain, we may consider ending our life.

So as you can see, beliefs, emotions and how we respond play a pivotal part in our life experiences. Clearing out our sabotaging beliefs and letting go of the emotions that go with them, goes a long way towards creating the shifts my client this morning was talking about. For her the shift has been dramatic and instant. What is different for her now is, she is calmer and freer in her body. People respond to her differently now, she finds they are warmer and more patient. She’s also cleared some significant blocks around her creativity, and whilst there might be a little more to be done, she is moving forwards with projects and ventures that she wasn’t able to before. Even the death of a parent was easier to handle because her overall stress was lower.

In my experience, almost everybody has some form of inaccurate beliefs and stuck emotions – that is the nature of being human. If you feel, that your issues come from something much deeper than you are aware of, you find yourself doing the blame thing, or you simply want to be freer and happier, like my client – let’s talk. Mind Detox is a positive experience, and whilst we do access the stuck emotions in our body, it is usually only for the short amount of time it takes for us to put our consciousness on them to release them. Clearing the emotion, couple with the belief and putting a new habitual neural pathway in its place so you respond differently next time plays a big part in changing the way we respond to experiences and therefore our outcomes.

20150522 Barbara Yeo Photography Becci Harvey-14 lrIf you would like to have an initial chat, to see if Mind Detox is right for you, I can be called on +44 (0)1892 853518 or contacted via the form below.

Sessions can be done in person, or via the internet via Skype. Mind Detox sessions can be used to let go of a problem, or help you reach a goal that is eluding you, with a large amount of ground being covered in a short amount of time. The purpose of the practitioner, is to help you find the blindspot that holds you back that you are unable to see yourself.

For fees and to learn more about Mind Detox you can visit my main website here: