Results, not reasons

Results are the best feedback for a therapist.

A couple of years ago I started working with a client that wanted to make a dramatic shift to their life. Plaugued by illness and self-doubt, despite how they were when we started I had an unwaivering faith that when the truth prevailed their life would change. Together we started to peel back the layers of the onion that had caused them to become so compromised in the first place.

Fast forward 36 months and the outcomes they are achieving each day could only be dreams when we began. From being housebound and unable to do much of what they love, now they have hit at least one of their goals, which to them defined that they have moved forwards, and were on the path to recovery.

When I saw that they were no longer housebound and were able to go out and enjoy life like any other young person would, even if it is just a little bit, I was overjoyed.

As therapists it is our job to assess each individual we work with, and see the light of potential within them all.

The rest is up to the individual. It is up to them to put in the time, commitment, grit and determination that will see them through what is difficult, and to the other side.

As we say in Mind Detox, you are either getting results or reasons. Which are you getting?

Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner, Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential through one to one and group sessions (also available through Skype).

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.


Seek support


My experience of life is that sometimes its easy, and sometimes its so obscenely difficult there are just no words to describe it.

How well we are able to cope with the ups and downs of life depends on one very simple equation – stress versus support.

Stress vs Suppport

There are times when we just need to walk away from huge quantities of stress and not put ourselves through it anymore. Jobs where there’s a culture of being undervalued or relationships that aren’t working for you are two easy examples of where no amount of support can offset a fundamental imbalance.

For other times, when life is asking you grow and cope with an experience you’ve not dealt with before, rather than wanting life to get easier, ask for your support to get stronger. 


So often in life our choice might be to shy away from what is difficult in the hopes that things will get easier. Things rarely get easier, especially if we have a life lesson to learn, those sort of experiences seem to stick around until you’ve got the lesson they are trying to give you. 

And you can’t go round saying “there must be a lesson in this somewhere”, because then you’re actually by passing the experience of what is showing up. Instead, you have to show up and be present and attentive to each moment that is happening. Only when we are fully present are we able to experience what life would like us to experience. Sometimes that might look like a bereavement, sometimes it might look like extra pressure at work, sometimes it might look like a new relationship or sometimes it might look like eating your favourite dessert. It is all worthy of the same full attentiveness.

In the case of the difficult stuff, I would say, show up and be present now, and you are less likely to have to go through the circumstances again. I can’t remember how many times I have realised the quickest way out of something I didn’t like was to show up and be present. And sure enough, the tough stuff passes.


When it comes to dealing with difficult stuff – and what anyone defines as “difficult” will be different for everyone – my other top tip is to beef up your support. 

For some this will mean deepening their inner faith or resolve. For others it might meaning leaning in on friends or colleagues more, opening up to family or seeking professional support. For others still, it might be improving diet and nutrition choices or committing to making self-care and enough sleep a priority.  

What is difficult for us is rarely difficult for others around us. You might find work situations difficult, but your friends might need help with their love life or finances.

Confiding in others that are good listeners can be incredibly uplifting. Even better, speaking to a trained professional that knows how to hold a great space to redirect you back to your own inner genius can not only help you deal with a difficult situation, it can help you solve it and get the learning quicker than you might on your own.

In my own practice, I have a range of tools to draw on. I am able to get an understanding of your challenge and pick an approach that I consider will give you the solution you are either looking for or will best serve you moving forwards. It may be that you would benefit from a Mind Detox to let go of a past event that stops you being happy or healthy now, or maybe you’ve got a busy head and you’ve never been taught how to “switch off” at the end of the day, leaving you too frazzled to sleep or a sufferer of an overactive mind? Through my therapeutic interventions and meditation courses and coaching, I am able to help anyone that wants to have a calmer mind and be more fully present and cope with whatever life presents.

So ask yourself today, rather than run away from what is difficult, if you had more support, what would that support look like and where would that get you?

20170110 Becci Barbara Yeo Photography hr-30 (2)Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner, Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential through one to one and group sessions (also available through Skype).

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.


Want to experience a Calm MindMindCalm FB 3? From Monday 8th January 2018, I will be running a Mind Calm for Me class for the first four Monday’s in January in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, UK.

In the class, I will be sharing why you might want to prioritise what your heart desires the most, how the things you seek are rarely where you thought they would be and how being your heart’s greatest desire is easier than being stressed and have a busy head. Over the four weeks I will share the easy Mind Calm technique, and we will build on our knowledge each week till you are fully capable of carrying on with your own practice.

The cost of the course is just £95, and discounted to £75 if you sign up before 15th December. To find out more, and find out about the Mind Calm technique visit:

What is meditation?

Ah yes, meditation, such a buzz around this word these days, but what is it? What purpose does it serve? And when to use it? I am going to attempt the near impossible and describe what meditation is (because everyone experiences it differently) and give you a little insight into why it is worthy of your time and attention.

First off, let me be honest and say, I didn’t ‘get’ meditation at all, until I became a teacher of it. So if you meditate, try and meditate or are thinking about meditating and you’re not convinced about it, I have totally been there. And if you find yourself at the end of this article thinking, “I am still none the wiser”, I have been there too. In my experience, understanding the end process of meditation is pretty tricky to get your head around, but THANKFULLY, the actual application of meditation isn’t difficult to do. In fact, you may find that you already have moments when you are in a meditative state whilst you are driving your car, watching a movie or observing a beautiful sunset. The ART of meditation, is when you sit down and do your practice when it isn’t any of those situations – you do it because you either know or trust, that it is good for you. In my experience it helps you accomplish your goals quicker, with less stress and more joyously. It’s a bit like doing exercise, applied correctly it has great benefits on your fitness, body shape and tone. Done wrong, it just makes you more stressed. The work I do is all about developing the former.

Why meditate?

Let’s start with the compelling reasons to meditate. These will be different for everyone, so I have shared some of the general ones and some of my favourite reasons too:

  • Lower stress levels
  • Quieter mind
  • Lower levels of depression and anxiety
  • Clearer mind
  • Better sleep
  • More harmonious relationships
  • Greater intuition and wisdom
  • More resilience to life’s stresses
  • Ability to be a calming influence on others
  • Ability to focus and achieve at a high mental level
  • Better health

What would your reasons be? What would you currently like in your life? If it is any or all of the above, you’re not alone! When asked, all of my clients say something along the lines of the above. The great news is, with meditation you can have all that, AND MORE!!

What is meditation?

So what exactly is the practice of meditation? Well, to understand the practice of meditation, we need to understand about awareness and thought. If I am honest, it was only when I became a teacher of meditation that I realised there was a difference between these two – so it’s you and me both if you hadn’t till now realised there is a difference.

Awareness – is noticing something. I am aware of my body, I am aware of the sounds around me and I am aware of the feeling of my body sat on the chair I am on. This is awareness, it is always there and it is able to tell me data about what, who and where I am. Awareness is who we are.

Thought – is a story that I make up about something. I thought that I saw a spider, I thought that I overhead someone saying things about me, I thought you wanted me to be X, Y, Z. A thought is something we create, especially when we don’t have all the facts. To think requires the mind.

The mind is a curious creature. It is a creative power, that turns unmanifested ideas into action. Look around you, everything you see around you was created by thought! Furniture, electrical equipment, the teabag in my cup of tea – even my body was created by my thoughts!

If we take my tea bag as an example, someone thought it would be a good idea to take some herbs and put them in a paper mesh bag. This happened before they actually set about doing what was necessary to actually grow, collect and dry some herbs, create a paper mesh bag, put the herbs in, seal it up, box it, send it to a shop, where I, who had had a thought about a nice refreshing drink, got in my car and went to the shop to buy it. Even the process of making that cup of tea started with a “hmm, I am thirsty” thought, “I think I will make a cup of tea, that will refresh me.” So thought, which is done by the mind, has a creationary outcome.

Thoughts are very useful, we absolutely need them to function. However, when we start to think when we really should just be being aware, is when we start to experience things like a busy head, anxiety, depression and the inability to switch off and go to sleep. And this is where meditation comes in.

Awareness is who we are, thought is what we do.

Ever heard of the phrase, “We are human beings, not human doings”? Well, I believe we were designed to be both, with the emphasis on human be-ing.

To connect into awareness is to be. To think is to do. It is my experience that if we spend more time be-ing than doing, our stress levels stay in a healthy mid range and we’re more resilient and more ready for action. When we start to do more than we be then we accumulate more stress than we can release and a busy mind is the result.

Knowing this, it makes sense then, to address that be-ing/doing balance, and one of the quickest, most effective ways I know how to do this is meditation.

The approach

So what exactly is meditation? It is a way to develop our awareness.

In meditation, we cultivate awareness over thought, so that the body can rest from doing and be instead. This allows it to release stored stress and return to a state of balance. There are many different techniques for doing this, and I encourage people to find a technique that works for them. In Mindfulness and Buddhism, we develop our awareness of the breath, then expand that include the body, sounds, sensations, emotions, thoughts and feelings. Other techniques use chanting, sound, a mantra or following a guided set of instructions. My favourite technique at the moment is Mind Calm. In Mind Calm, we develop the capacity to be aware, which is interspersed with 10 Calm thoughts. These thoughts help us to develop the ability to remain in awareness, whilst bringing 10 positive attributes into our life that are both uplifting and cleansing.

In a meditation session, we practice the ability to prioritise being aware over doing thinking. Seeing as the mind LOVES to think, because that is what the mind does, it means gently putting the mind down and being aware instead, as much as we possibly can.

One of the reasons that people aren’t desperately keen on idea of meditation is because they live the majority of their life from their mind and the mind doesn’t like being put down! The mind will always try to be in constant use, so it’s important we understand that even though the mind doesn’t like meditation and being put down for 10 minutes, the body and the rest of your life does.

You have a mind, it is not who you are.

How do we know we have a mind? Because we can observe it. If I asked you to count the number of thoughts you had in a one minute, you could do it. That is because there is a mind, and then there is the observer of the mind. The observer of the mind is you! That’s your core essence – the permanent part of you that existed before you had a mind and before you had a body. Some people call this spirit, essence or source – all you need to know is that is exists and it is the be-ing part of you and it is good to give it some of your time.

When we meditate, we start by engaging our awareness. In the Mind Calm technique that I share, we do that by finding an object to look at and spreading our awareness in a technique called GAAWO to activate our full awareness and our parasympathetic nervous system. Activating the parasympathetic nervous system is important as this is the part of the body that returns us to a resting state – such as slowing our heart rate, prioritising healing and increasing our ability to digest food. By activating our parasympathetic nervous system, the body is able to start to repair, release stress and return to a balanced state. Sound good? Yippee!

Give it time

CandlesMeditation isn’t a quick fix miracle cure, it’s a slow steady practice of be-ing over doing so that we may return to balance and release the stress we’ve acquired. For many of us, it tooks us years before our life got difficult enough to make us look at a technique like meditation, and it is going to take us years, if not a lifetime to release all the stress we built up in that time. The great news is, the benefits are instant and the more you apply the practice, the quicker being in awareness becomes your new norm.

The other great news is, the practice of meditation with your eyes shut and your eyes open, means that you stop accumulating so much stress in the first place. Win-win!

So, like starting a fitness programme, a meditation programme returns us to being human beings, which is our natural state, and a state of balance. It makes us more resilient, better able to cope with life’s up’s and down’s, more relaxed and better physically and mentally. That then directly benefits our work, families, relationships, hobbies and abilities to deal with difficult situations and life events.

And that to me, sounds like something worth investing in.

BH 1 medium (2)Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainer, meditation teacher, Reiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential through one to one and group sessions (also available through Skype).

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.

Mind Calm flyerWant to know more about Mind Calm? On Thursday 3rd August, I will be running a Mind Calm in Minutes Intro Talk on London Road, Tunbridge Wells.

Come and hear about the hidden causes of a busy mind and try out GAAWO yourself!

Tickets cost just £10 and £15 if you bring a friend. More information can be found at

Why self-care ISN’T self-indulgent 

It’s 10.41am on a Monday morning and I’m sat in the garden drinking a spinach and berry smoothie (with almonds and mixed seeds) with my feet in a bowl of hot Epsom Salt water, with lavender oil.

There are some in this world that would scoff at my behaviour right now with comments like, “It’s alright for some!” or “Why aren’t you at work?” – something along the lines that I’m a slacker and I’m not pulling my weight.

Yet, when I thought about it, there’s many reasons why, in spite of other people’s beliefs, this is totally ok and here’s a few.

  1. That’s breakfast in that mug there, it’s what gets me through the day with a balanced blood sugar level. 
  2. It’s best to eat your food sitting down.
  3. I’m combining doing something useful whilst I am sat down eating breakfast. 
  4. The Epsom salts in that footpath have reversed my digestion issue of late. If it’s ok for others to take daily medication like thyroid pills, asthma medication or antidepressants- it’s ok for me to treat my stomach condition with a footbath. 
  5. It’s ok (I would say actually preferable) if treatments were actually a treat. 
  6. Wellbeing activities – wellbeing. It’s in the title. They reduce or help us deal with inevitable stress.
  7. I’ve just worked 7 days straight, I’m allowed a day off. 
  8. I’m more than allowed a day off. Everyone, me included, is much better off if I take my necessary downtime so I can perform at my best.
  9. This footbath and breakfast is about as minimally taxing on my system as it gets for high gain. What would you have me do instead? Eat breakfast on the run, pop a pill and have terrible work performance because I am tired? Just because that’s the norm, it doesn’t make it good practice. 
  10. It’s just OK full stop. I don’t have to answer to anyone. If I can do this, then I will do this. I’ve weighed up the pro’s and cons and this is my choice. Accept it.


For all those that believe self-care is too indulgent a treat for them, I ask you this. If you feel you can’t invest in yourself because everything/one else must come first, how do you think it’d be for them if you weren’t there at all? Because that is what happens when you experience major burnt-out,  people get more than their fair share of your talents and skills and then less than their fair share when you become so exhausted you can’t do anything anymore.

The Universe always seeks balance.

Furthermore, you stop them applying their own balance because you imply (role model) imbalance is an ok long term way to live. It isn’t. 

Further furthermore, I bet if you have life problems or an illness, you’ve already run the ‘put other people first’ experiment and you’ve got your results – problems/illness. So it’s time to see what happens long term (very important you give it time) when you run the ‘put me first’ experiment.  You or I have no idea what will happen till you try it, but I’m highly confident it will be different. 

Putting you first

And when I mean ‘put me first’, I mean listening to your Self more than those around you, giving your Self permission to make mistakes, giving your Self the resources it requires to be in balance (rather than giving them to everyone else); to the best of your ability. 

There are plenty of people out there that will take from you all you have to give without giving anything back. You need them to point out your ‘giving to get behaviour (where you think if you give them all you need they will give you things back)’ as much as they need you to teach them to respect others and look after them Selves too. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to give. Our existence grows through interdependence where two people give equally from a solid foundation. Our existence contracts on co-dependence where we need another to make us viable. It usually requires a journey from co-dependence to go through independence to get to interdependent. This is because interdependence requires there to independence at its core. 
So basically, you both need to look after your Selves before you can explore any healthy interactions with others, which means making your inner guidance the loudest. 

And I trust you are smart enough to do that.

I am worthy…

I was working on my own personal development and learning yesterday after my outer experience of life wasn’t matching my inner experience. 

I came to realise that I was looking to others to value, respect and honour me as much as I do myself.

The truth is, when you are so full of your own self-worth, it doesn’t matter whether those around you know it too.

For example, when you know you are inherently deserving of love (and we all are), it doesn’t matter if others aren’t being loving towards you, because you know you are ‘worthy of love’. (They are only being unmoving because they’ve forgotten they are worthy of love.)

This statement lets everyone off the hook. It lets you off the hook because you don’t have to change in anyway to experience love, and it let’s other people off the hook because it was never their job to love you in the first place, it was only ever yours. 

Knowing this means you don’t measure your loveability by the words, deeds or actions of others. 

You can be treated pretty appallingly by others and you are still worthy of love. You might not get love, but you are still worthy of it.

You can mess up big time and still be worthy of love.

You can be having a rubbish day and turn it around by remembering, no matter what, you are worthy of love, and let that reset your experience.

This statement is true for many areas of life; respect, honesty, acceptance, attention,  support, protection, equality all of those can go after ‘I am worthy of…’ It doesn’t matter whether you get any of those things from the world around you, so long as YOU know you are worthy of them.

There is nothing more upsetting and jarring to our soul than the loss of our own self-worth, so make a commitment now to know your own worth – you may find it helps you create a more balanced life for your Self. 

Love life

One simple trick to change our experience of life is to love whatever shows up in our life, as if we asked for it.

By ‘Life’ I mean two things:

Our living existence – what it is like to be alive to breathe, to feel, to be)

AND the content of our life – our relationships (or lack of), our jobs, our financial situation (or lack of), domestic arrangements, our family situation and/or our health.

The first step in loving life is to find out what experiencing love is like for you. For some it will be sounds, words, a physical sensation, a state of being – everyone experiences it differently. For me, love is a feeling, a sensation I get in and around my body. Whatever it is, pause for a moment and get familiar with it now.

You don’t need an outside stimulus to experience love just an intention to, and it only works if you are willing to experience whatever shows up. It doesn’t work if you have a fixed idea of what love is. By this I mean a fixed idea of how love should feel, look, sound, and a fixed idea of what must happen first before love can be experienced.

For me, such a learning was a revelation! I thought I had to do things to get love. I thought I had to win awards, or I just got love if I was the flavour of the month.

It was only when I was an adult I explored the idea of ‘What is love?’ that I re-explored my understanding of it. I came to realise it was this experience that had been there all along and with me the whole time. Prior to that, I thought this experience wasn’t epic enough and clearly uncool, and I had to look outside of me, because that’s what all the advertising said. I kid you not. I was completely taken in by the idea love couldn’t be found inside of me, I had to buy a certain product or behave a certain way to get love.

Wow. What a load of baloney!!!

So, I was forced to try a different approach because my life was so messed up and miserable. So instead I tried the totally ‘uncool’ thing of exploring love and here’s what I found:

– I’d had a lot of conditioning that had told me over and over love was outside of me
– I didn’t know very well what love was!
– No-one can explain it to you, you just have to go for it and go on that journey yourself
– Going on that journey requires courage
– Life is different after
– You behave different after
– It gets easier to choose love and let go of your conditioning
– For really entrenched conditioning I needed help from another to let it go
– Choosing love gets you some pretty cool outcomes!
– Your health improves
– Your relationships improve
– Your career improves
– Life flows more
– A lot of divine timing starts to happen saving you time, unnecessary energy expenditure and money – woo hoo!!
– You connect with people on a very deep and delicious level – nothing beats it
– You find more things you’re not totally loving about yet and add them to the list to intend to be more loving about
– You experience this most incredible oneness and happiness. Sometimes I do literally just burst with joy!

So, I hope you’re taken in by this and up for making it your reality too!

You can build it up slowly. The love thing can only ever be done now, so experience love everytime you remember.

Don’t force it. It you’re forcing it, you’re thinking about it, the love thing is an EXPERIENCE not a thought.

Experience love.

Then experience love throughout your day, even when you think ‘this sucks’. Extra especially do it when you are thinking ‘this sucks’.

It is simply the most powerful and life transforming experience I have ever had.

As always, if you are having ‘I can’t do this’, ‘this is stupid’, ‘that won’t work with…’ then get in touch – because they are just thoughts and you don’t have to listen to them. You can have a love experience beyond your thinking. I know, because I have done it.

Visit us at:

BH 1 medium (2)Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainerReiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.

A way to drop ego and be

I was at a course last weekend, and as part of the content, we covered the “I am” model.

I love this simple, yet extremely powerful model of the human psyche.

The “I am” or “Ego Model” – adapted from Insight Leadership, portrays a way of understanding human behaviour and how to use awareness to shift from a dysfunctional behaviour to a more authentic and aligned one. It’s also a great way to overcome challenges, as often our challenges come from “ego”.


The “I am” model quite simply shares that at birth we were perfect. Everything we did was perfect from feeding to pooping, and thus we lived in complete harmony and blissful flow. We just were. No changes required.

Then an event came along that turned our world upside down, and we started to question our perfectness. Maybe a teacher called us stupid, or a kid at school called us frigid or a friend wouldn’t speak to us one day. In that moment we became afraid that we’re not perfect. We feared we were stupid, frigid or bad company.

So, to cover up our fear (which is a form of vulnerability and that’s bad right?), we pretend. We pretend we are clever, we pretend that we’re promiscuous actually, we pretend that we are the life and soul of the party.

Know that feeling? Seen it in others?

When you think about it, it’s pretty common, isn’t it?

So here we are, running a mutli-million pound business, sleeping our way around the city or throwing lavish parties where we encourage people to hang on our every word, and we’re both unhappy (because we’re actually not truly experiencing any of those things) and exhausted (from keeping up the pretense).

In that diagram, the “I fear I am” and the “I pretend I am” are what’s also known as ego. You can usually spot someone with a big ego a mile away, as they’re the ones trying so hard to impress, fit in, be liked or sometimes be feared.

An opportunity to be different

But this is where it gets really cool. If we find ourselves being a bit needy, or a bit fake in our dealings with people, we can look at this model and ask ourselves – what is it I am afraid I am?

The knowledge from that question can help us be more compassionate about our egotistical behaviour, know where it comes from and reverse it with a few affirmations.

For example:

I fear I am stupid could become

* I am good at many things like listening, being attentive and making people feel heard.

I fear I am frigid could become

* I am kind and make friends easily. I have a healthy relationship with my libido and the libido of others.

I fear I am bad company could become

* I am enjoyable to be with and bring much light and laughter to a conversation.

(* basically pick attributes that are authentic to you.)

Can you see how the affirmations would reverse your fears? And because the affirmations take you back to the “I am” place, you’ll return to being free, harmonious, carefree and joyful. The extra bonus is, people will find you much easier to get along with, so you’ll get better feedback and joy there too.

So next time you find yourself reaching for a compliment, needing a person to act a certain way to make you feel OK or want something to be different to the way it is, ask yourself, what is it I fear I am? Work through the process till you know the truth – your essence, the part of you that makes you you, is perfect just the way it is, and doesn’t need to change for anybody.