There is a difference between whether you let it expand you and your skillset as a person or whether it destroys you. If you take it face on and work with it and through it, it expands people in the most attractive of ways. If you deny it exists, run away, find solace in a bottle, pills or food, it has won.

The solution to adversity is always the same. Connect to your Self, listen to it and work with it to set your Self a plan, connect to a greater cosmic power, tell it about your plan and what you want. Give your dream away to the cosmos and take life one step at a time fully staying in the present moment, trusting you inner-tuition and staying as connected to the world around you as you can.

Everything is the truth


There is no one right or wrong truth, only your perception of things and the things we collectively as a species say are true.

Therefore your perception/truth can be wholly different to mine.

You might say “there is not enough” and that would be your experience, your current truth. I might say “there is plenty”, and that would be my experience and my truth. Both are equally valid, both deserve equal respect.

Life becomes difficult for us when we drop our perspective and take on the view of another, or hold rigidly to our perspective and refuse to acknowledge others may see it differently.

You can respect the view of another and honour it, whilst retaining a connection to your own. You can be connected to your own perspective, and benefit from the insights of others.

This is the art of relationship, understanding and communicating your perspective in a fair and open space and having it listened to and appreciated. Where two or more people are involved it requires flexibility and the desire to move towards a common goal.

Love sets and respects boundaries


I came across this image yesterday and it reminded me of something I had delved more deeply into in the morning – the topic of enmeshment, and particularly how it relates to health. It inspired me to write about it, so here it is:

Wonderful words – however, I will add to this – pure love sets boundaries and pure love respects boundaries. 

This morning’s learning was about enmeshment. Enmeshment is where two people (or more) have no clear defined personal boundaries and sense of individuality and therefore don’t know where one person starts and other person ends. Basically, it is a loss of personal identity.

This can play out in a multitude of ways:

– an overly controlling parent
– co-dependency in a relationship
– a child being a surrogate spouse
– overly attached siblings

The ultimate outcome of being in an enmeshed relationship is a loss of freedom, an inability to speak up and state your truth for fear of being cast out and ultimately the loss of self-worth (a common precursor to suicidal thoughts). The enmeshed individual forgoes their sense of self, become overly concerned by the thoughts and feelings of another and gives up everything that identifies them, such as the way they dress, the sorts of foods they like, the places they go and activities they take part in – just so that they can be accepted and loved by another.

Often those that are enmeshed consider the behaviour to be quite normal, loving even, as they are unaware there is an alternative that would empower them more.

One of the things that can happen with enmeshment is that the weaker of the two people can end up experiencing and carrying the emotions of the other. This can present itself in many ways. Firstly, it may show as the individual believing the emotions are actually their own, causing them to try and solve a problem that isn’t theirs and secondly, it can result in a health condition in the weaker person – the most common ones being autoimmune diseases and Chronic Fatigue/ME.

In Gabor Maté’s book When the Body Says No, he talks about how highly sensitive children of enmeshed families can end up being the counter-balance to a parent’s unresolved emotions. The child soon learns that in order for their parent(s) to be able to function as a parent and thus care for their child, he/she must bear the weight of the parents emotions, and thus absorbs them as their own. In doing so, they violate their own boundaries, often adding an additional emotional burden and conflict within themselves. Wittingly or unwittingly, many parents allow this because it benefits them, and so the child becomes a crutch on which the parent becomes reliant upon in order to function and keep up an appearance – whilst the child’s mysterious (and sometimes severe) illness is palmed off as unfortunate or bad luck. In my clinic I have seen this many, many times.

Reading this, many of you are probably thinking – oh my god – that is me, or at least someone you know.

Before you panic, it is important to contextualise things, and make you aware that 1) to some degree everyone has experienced some level of enmeshment – we are human after all, and few people are devoid of all challenges, 2) awareness is the first step to turning an enmeshed experience around and 3) I speak from my own experience that even the most challenging enmeshed experiences can be dealt with to the benefit of both parties – resulting in a win-win situation.

So how do you deal with an enmeshed situation?

First of all, I would highly recommend you find someone that you can trust that you can talk to. Realising you are in an enmeshed situation can be a relief, and it can also bring up all sorts of emotions of your own that can be difficult to deal with. Seeing as having a strong and healthy support network is one of the things that helps us to emotionally regulate ourselves and promotes health, if you don’t have this valuable asset (sometimes due to enmeshment with another) put the wheels in motion to bring that into play. Even if this is difficult to do, you will thank me for it.

“Know IT IS YOUR RIGHT to have your own thoughts and feelings.”

Secondly, know IT IS YOUR RIGHT to have your own thoughts and feelings. This means it is ok to disagree with a spouse about how shared finances are to be spent, it is ok to have different political or environmental views to your parents and it is ok to have a different vision or expectation on how a piece of work is going to turn out than your boss or co-worker. We are different people, with different perspectives and with different wants and likes, AND THAT IS OK! Your differences is actually what makes life interesting.

The first person that it is important to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings is you. Those that have grown up in an enmeshed environment have often spent so long putting their thoughts and feelings to one side in order to make room for another they have become completely out of touch with their own. Outlets and clues for many of these thoughts or feelings can be found in the areas where the person is still able to express themselves. This might be in the types of books, music, clothes or art that people like – or if they are artists themselves, the words, images, style or the energy behind the things they create. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out that all my music was sad that I became aware that I was drawn to music that resonated the same way I was feeling (she was a big fan of cheesy pop – no idea what that says about her!!). I had no idea I was so sad – it was my norm – but once it was pointed out to me, I was able to consciously decide whether I wanted to be sad or not, and if not, what was it I wanted to be instead (I’ve always wanted to be happy, ever since I was very small). I decided I was up for being more cheerful, so I choose to address the things that were making me sad so I could experience being more upbeat, resulting in the need for a whole new set of music – woo hoo!

How you feel about things counts

Once you are aware that you have your own thoughts and feelings, I encourage you to to take steps to honour them. To start with, if all this feels very challenging and overwhelming you can do this via a private journal. People that are brave enough to honour their own thoughts and feelings are far more likely to have them honoured by those around them – because we generally lead by example.

The next step is to ask the other enmeshed person to be responsible for their thoughts and feelings. So in a situation where a parent/spouse/boss blames their child/husband/employee for their anxiety let’s say, the child/husband/employee would remain clear in their mind that the anxiety is the parent/spouse/boss’s choice – knowingly or not. We know this because different people respond to the same stimulus in different ways and we are able to change that we feel about things. In this situation, the parent/spouse/boss is the only one capable of dealing with that anxiety – and despite what they say, they are capable.

In the horse work I do, we share a safety agreement that explicitly asks people to take responsibility for themselves.

In the horse work I do, we share a safety agreement that explicitly asks people to take responsibility for themselves.

The same principles apply to you. If you find yourself blaming others, leaning on someone else and wanting them to solve your problems for you or burying your problems in your relationships, stop. You will not find solutions there. Problems are a sign you are being one sided in your thinking and it is time to look at some new, life sustaining alternatives that will serve you much better in the long run. Just as you have a right to have your boundaries respected, so do others – remember that.

Empowering yourself to deal with your own thoughts and feelings and asking others to be responsible for theirs is actually a very empowering and positive thing to do. No matter how much I may want to, I cannot change how someone else feels because I am not them. What I can do though, is be aware of someone else’s thoughts and feelings and put my light of consciousness on it. In some instances I am in a position to hold up a mirror and show them what they are feeling and let them know I will support them to explore that and that I have every faith they can achieve the outcome they desire.

You empower people most when you make them responsible (response-able) for how they think and feel. Being empowered is a wonderful experience because it allows people to be themselves, without judgement. Empowerment also knows we don’t have to be experts at something straight away, we can start small, and grow our skills bit by bit.

Some people are able to deal with enmeshment on their own, however, I personally needed help to learn how to set healthy boundaries and assert myself in a conflict situation. Often those from enmeshed situations are lacking good role models for how to deal with strong and overbearing people, so a good friend, therapist or coach can be useful to help you develop your skill set and put it into practice. My biggest personal success has come in the last 7 years, where I found someone I could trust and I have learnt to speak my truth with (I intentionally sought out such a person). It is an enormous source of comfort to know that when I speak up I am listened to, my thoughts and feelings are acknowledged and if necessary acted on and I am left with the knowing that how I am matters to them, which allows me to feel ok about asking for what I need. This one positive relationship has given me the opportunity to explore what healthy relationships are like, and has helped me transfer this knowing into family, workplace and friend relationships to good effect – yeay!

You’re doing just fine

If this article does apply to you and you find yourself feeling down rather than empowered by it remember, we rarely learn about these sorts of things till we have to. Life presents us obstacles not to floor us, but to develop our skills and resources as people. Once you have tackled enmeshment once, it becomes part of your educational vocabulary, meaning you are unlikely to let yourself experience it so vividly and without skill again. This makes you strong not weak. So don’t judge yourself on your outcomes, but instead aware of how much you try. For a person that has multiple goes is far more likely to succeed in the way they want to than someone that never tries at all.

Mind Detox profile picLike I say to my clients all the time, you are amazing, and I am really proud of the effort you make.


Your body is your ‪‎mind‬ in physical form

I am deeply passionate about helping people to see and experience that it is imperative to heal the ‪#‎mental‬ and ‪#‎emotional‬ reasons for why a problem is showing up in your life, as well as address the physical.

Healing on a physical level, without doing the necessary mental and emotional work means you’ve only worked on one third of the triad.

If you wish to heal fully and never experience the problem again, you must heal all three so there is no trace of a reason for the problem to exist.

To compound matters, we carry the ability to be affected by a situation through our DNA and we often are affected by the issues in our family and those around us.

Those drawn to the healing professions are often those that have had their own experiences and want to share those benefits with others. They can also be Master healers, able to put their light of consciousness on another’s problems to help them release the issue or make it whole through compassion and love.

your body

This doesn’t mean throw out all your medication, it simply means do your homework, ask your body great questions, listen to its answers, take action and embody the qualities your body needs to heal such as gratitude, humility, courage or peace.

I have seen many almost miraculous turnarounds in people willing to do the background work. It may not be easy, it certainly isn’t right for everybody, however for those willing to take on the brave journey a new and different future awaits – one that they have intentionally created and help shape.

This is what it means to be empowered about health. This is what it means to be a co-creator of your destiny.

The choice is yours.

One thing you are definitely not though, is a helpless victim – no one is ever that unless they choose to be.

We are all one

In my humble view the ultimate life journey is to know we (‪#‎creation‬) are all one.

Therefore if there are people I don’t like, they are parts of myself I don’t like. I don’t necessarily have to change them, but for my own peace of mind I might compassionately want to love them anyway.

Loving people that do things we don’t like sounds odd and counter productive, but in my experience it is the only way to find peace, and 99% of the people I question want nothing more than to experience ‪#‎peace‬.

After all, how would you want people to behave that don’t like you? I bet you would want them to be the bigger person and to ‪#‎love‬ you anyway. They don’t have to love the way you behave, they may even speak up if you are harming them, but I bet you’d want to be assured that at the end of the day they’d be there for you if the need came irrespective of what you have done to them.


The same goes for people that pass away, it’s like parts of you no longer being here. The only certainty in life is change and we are constantly doing just that. You’ve survived the numerous changes that have got you this far (hair loss, teeth falling out, getting taller, being born!), you will survive the changes going forward. There is rarely a void for long as new things come in. Being prepared to let go of the old and trusting it won’t be long till you can embrace the new is part of what it means to be a fully accomplished human.

Finally, this doesn’t just extend to humans. Creation is part of everything so I’d go as far to say omnipresence includes animals, plants, earth and the solar system too. I might be a full time being having a full time human experience, but I’m also the cosmos as well. I’m as far and as big as my awareness can span, and then probably a whole load more.

So what am I? I am infinite, pure potential, omnipresent and everything there ever was and is, all in one – all being presented and experienced through a 165cm, brown eyed, once blonde, animal loving female. My body may be one point of me experiencing myself, but who I really am is the creationary energy that is everywhere – in the ground, plants, animals and people!

Exciting huh? I think so!!

What holds you back? No confidence?

The word confidence comes from the Latin word confidentia, which means “firmly trusting, bold.” In modern day terms it is used to mean a feeling of trust in a person or thing, belief in one’s own abilities or a trustful relationship – e.g. “We have every confidence in their ability to succeed”.

Lack of confidence comes from a past memory or experience holding you back, sabotaging your results. This may come from a previous experience of someone doubting your abilities, never being given the opportunity to try or scattered and unstable relationships.

Low confidence is one of the key issues people cite as why they aren’t doing what they want to be doing in life.

Letting go, or overwriting that past script through something like a Mind Detox helps you to see things from a more balanced perspective. It will show up the event, person, place or thing that was prevalent in your decision to be unconfident (because before you were just neutral) and helps you to unearth the thought process that was the best survival tactic you could come up with at the time (and you have thus been using ever since).

However, often we find we could do with a better survival tactic, which is where a Mind Detox excels. In a short space of time, and in a painless way, you are able to overwrite your old survival tactics (neural pathways) with a new one that serves you better and makes use of your full adult wisdom.


Revisiting your unconscious choices in an environment where you are calm and relaxed helps you to come to better conclusions and pick solutions that support you. The shift is instant and becomes your new norm as we are working with your unconscious mind, there is no conscious work required to sustain your new pattern.

Being confident has so many implications. It is a desirable characteristic in the workplace, relationships, parenting, creating new relationships, visiting new places, driving a car, performing and being creative and extends even as far as looking after your Self.

If you or anyone you know has confidence issues, please give them my details. It may be that a few short sessions would turn this situation around for them and help them to achieve the things they would like to. More details about the Mind Detox Method can be found at

I am loved

This weekend 14 of us are exploring what it is like to live more fully, in the moment, in accordance with absolute truth.

Today is the second day of a 2 1/4 meditation course known as a First Sphere. Taught by two modern day monks, the course teaches beginners and re-minds returning Ascenders four statements of absolute truth.

Thought on the surface of the mind and designed to return our awareness to who we really are, these statements have an absolutely fascinating impact on us. For some it will create an experience of absolute peace. For others it will result in a huge amount of stress leaving the nervous system. For most it will create both and everything in between.

I am always in awe and extreme gratitude to be a catalyst of release for people as they go through this process by providing a safe space for it all to take part in.

As a person that has been playing with Ascension for nearly 5 years and has hosted courses for 3 I have watched myself and countless others let go of the beliefs and misconceptions that no longer serve us.

Just yesterday as the group learnt their third technique I was reminded of how loved we are. Sat in a room with 12 other people all remembering they are loved by the highest force for good available is an incredible experience.


For me I realised I have no need to seek love in the people outside of myself as I am loved far more than I can imagine already. I also experienced a deep gratitude (and a tear) for the people that stick by me and love themselves with me so we might learn and grow together.

As a child my mind came to the conclusion I had to be or behave a certain way to get love. This incorrect conclusion resulted in a huge amount of conflict (stress) between my heart and soul that knew I was completely loved at all times and in all situations, and my mind that created a “I’m unlovable” belief and was on a quest to find more evidence to support that inaccurate statement.

As you can imagine, when I sit down and consciously reconnect with that knowing of how loved I am, my body and mind – where all that stress has been stored – does interesting things! Firstly my heart ached, then I twitched, then I got very sad and cried a little, then I felt euphoric and then finally after all that from the relief of letting it go and the deep exhaustion of carrying it for so long, I fell asleep.

The point I wanted to make with this post is when you do something that is loving, nurturing and supportive you will more than likely experience a release of stress. It is a bit like letting go of a stretched elastic band or depressing the button on an aerosol, there’s a wheeeeee or a woooooosch and it can be/feel quite dramatic! Different experiences of stress releasing in the group included:

– Pictures
– Emotions
– Jerking
– Pain
– Sleep
– Memories
– Incesant thoughts

For some, the realisation they are/were stressed is tricky. When I started this process, admitting I was stressed threw up all sorts of issues and fears for me and still can. First of all I feared not being loved because I was stressed, then I feared what I would experience physically and mentally if I did admit I was stressed and let go of it, thirdly I feared I’d be ridiculed and judged for my stress releasing experience and then finally I feared I would repeat the stress creating process again and it would all be a complete waste of time and effort as I was “useless, pointless and just plain difficult” – another unhelpful childhood conclusion!!

My fears were very real for me, however thankfully I didn’t create too many of them. Instead those around me were able to en-courage me to remain innocent and trusting and from that space I was able to navigate through.

I’m not superhuman or special, I’m a pretty typical example of what others are also capable of. For me a gently gently baby steps approach over a long period of time is what I could cope with but for others I can see it’s a an intensive ‘get on with it’ approach that suits them best, and perhaps we are all also somewhere in between.

I guess though the other point I wanted to make is that it is worth it. Once your stress is released you do feel freer and lighter. I’m capable of doing more now, opening up to people more and making a bigger difference than I could before and that makes me grateful (another positive emotion) and happy.

If you, or anyone you know would benefit from releasing their stress so they might express  themselves more fully check out this website: Also contact me to find out when the next course here is. There is a wonderful growing community of Ascenders in the Tunbridge Wells area, so you’ll receive plenty of support after the course plus an easy opportunity to repeat (which is free).

Till then I wish you limitless joy, love, peace and happiness and a moments remembering you are good enough exactly as you are.