Bullying, you can recover

Bullying – using superior strength, to intimidate or force someone into doing something.

Bullying isn’t just a childhood issue; wives can bully husbands, husbands can bully wives, kids can bully parents, bosses can bully staff and staff can bully bosses.

Bullying is a very real issue, and if left unaddressed can have a lasting and deleterious impact.

You are being bullied if:

– People make repeated and intentionally mean comments about you to your face or behind your back

– You experience physical violence

– You are excluded from a group on purpose

– You feel like you are being controlled and your needs don’t matter

-Someone is intentionally damaging or stealing your belongings

-You are afraid to go to a club, school or work because of the way you are treated there

– People are sharing compromising images of you or sharing rumours or information that is untrue

– People are behaving in such a way that you are scared to speak up and be yourself, in particular share your feelings and state your needs.

If you are or have been bullied, it is important you know, it is not your fault.
Most people have experienced some form of bullying at some point in their life. Not everyone is aware they have or are being bullied, especially if they grew up in an culture of it. The true test is am I and the other person/people equal? If the answer is no, you may be being bullied.

The long term effects of bullying can be symptoms of depression, anxiety and low self esteem – so it is important to take it seriously.

If you are experiencing bullying or have experienced bullying and it is still a problem for you, it is important to take action now to limit the damage and reclaim your power.

For bullying that is happening now CHILDLINE  (0800 1111) and THE NATIONAL BULLYING HELPLINE (0845 22 55787 or 07734 701221 for adults and children) offer a listening ear and advice on all forms of bullying.

If the bullying is historic, and stopping you from moving forwards, the meditation and Mind Detox will help.

Mind Detox helps you to heal and let go of the past, so it no longer troubles you and you can reclaim your power. Meditation brings your awareness back to the present moment where all healing happens, helping you to release old, difficult emotions and find a permanent inner calm.

If you would like to release a difficult experience or would simply like to reclaim your power in the present moment, then contact Becci on 01892 853518 or get in touch below to find out if Mind Detox and/or meditation would be right for you.

Sessions are available in person, or from anywhere in the world via Skype.


BH 1 medium (2)Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainerReiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.

How to deal with overwhelm 

One of the most frightening things to cope with in life, is the experience of overwhelm.

magneto-therapy1-1024x682.jpgOverwhelm is when you experience significantly more stress than you feel you have resources, and may be as mild as work pressure and as huge as a full nervous breakdown – and anywhere in between.

When we are in a state of overwhelm, we feel like our issues are completely in our face, we’re unable to turn away from them and there is no escape.

The good news is, you don’t have to experience debilitating long-term  overwhelm, and with a bit of guidance, help and support you can shift your life experiences from overwhelm to effortless ease.

I know, because much to my own surprise, I did it.

Meltdown

I remember one time collapsing on the kitchen floor unable to move because I so badly didn’t want to go to work that day. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my job, I loved my job, but it’d changed from the one I signed up to and the company was putting itself under vast amounts of pressure to bring in money, and that was something I wasn’t particularly good at.

It took me what felt like hours of disrespectful disobedience simply be-ing on the floor there acknowledging my truth (as much as I could) before I could get up and persuade myself to show up for duty. Did my work care? No, not really. Did they make a big deal of it, no – I never shared and they were none the wiser. Would I do things differently now? Yes I would. Did I ultimately listen to myself and leave that job? Yes I did, after a period of time away I could see it wasn’t right for me at a soul level. But in the moment I was on the floor I was in complete overwhelm and it was all I could do to be on the floor and do nothing else.

What causes overwhelm? 

Overwhelm is caused by two fundamental things.

  1. Forgetting we are bigger than our problems
  2. Feeling our thinking/being attached to our thoughts

The difference between someone that hears a piece of data and panics and another person that hears the same piece of data and either stays calm or springs into inspired action comes a lot from perspective.

 

“Our world is an outer projection of our inner thoughts and beliefs. The good news is, with awareness, those inner thoughts and beliefs can change. To do this, we must let go of having a fixed idea. So let go of attachment to what we want, and stop resisting the experiences we don’t want.”

A person that is able to rationalise a piece of data by being very secure in their inner strength and unattached to achieving a particular outcome or needing to resist a particular outcome, is able to roll with the punches of life and remain detached from their impact. They will still experience the event, but they won’t take it on inwardly and make it all about them. Instead, they are able to realise the event is going on outside of them, but who they are, their true essence remains unchanged.

To do this, we must be aware of our true nature.

Our true nature, is the part of us that is eternal.

Our true nature, is the part of us that is eternal. It is the consciousness that is aware of our thoughts, feelings, emotions and bodily sensations. It precedes are thoughts and existed before it inhabited your current physical form. Our true nature (not to be confused with personality) is a large, infinite awareness that is capable of manifesting new experiences and being peaceful with the ones we have. It is never broken, hurt, disconnected or ill; it is always complete, whole, joyous, abundant and peaceful.

Yet why, when we have such a powerful and capable energy at our source, do we experience overwhelm? Because we without realising the consequences, at some point somewhere down the line, we turned away from who we are and started to believe we were something else.

We started to believe we were:

  • Our body
  • Our thoughts
  • Our feelings
  • Our family status
  • Our job title
  • What other people said we were
  • What society said we were
  • Our ego (a mental construct of who we wanted to be)
  • Out own worst nightmare

In doing so, we made ourselves very very small.

We forgot that we were something far bigger – that is divine energy that has the ability to be conscious and has the ability to co-create, that resides within a body.

From this perspective, can you see how difficult overwhelm would be? We’d have to let go of all that, and shrink ourselves down to the idea we are a poor defenceless human to experience overwhelm. Reconnect with the knowing you’re a powerful source bigger than all of creation and you contain all the resources necessary to either cope or bring about change, you remain unphased by life.

Feeling our thinking/being attached to our thoughts 

The other part of the equation is being able to appreciate that our physical body has thoughts, which is a healthy thing, but we don’t need to engage with them. What do I mean by this? I mean we permit those experiences to flow through our body, but we don’t need to stop and analyse them, change them or resist them.

Research says that we have around 100,000 thoughts a day. Most of these thoughts are the same as the day before and most of which are in our unconscious mind, which means they happen without us being aware of them.

thoughts-of-thoughts

When we are feeling our thinking, it’s because we grabbed hold of one of those thoughts and are feeding it with our attention. We might be repeating it over and over in our mind, having a running commentary about the thought, trying to push the thought away, worrying about the consequences of the thought, imagining the outcome if the thought did or didn’t come true, trying to find the origin of the thought, trying to find an antidote to the thought, I could go on! A lot of additional thinking (and body biochemistry) can come as a result of not knowing how to handle the experience of having thoughts.

So what instead?

Great question! If grabbing onto thoughts and forgetting how big and powerful your true nature is isn’t good for you, what do you do instead? The answer is, get back in touch with that permanent part of you.

There are many ways to do this. Yoga, an art class that encourages creative freedom, your religion (if it focuses on the spiritual side), exercise, time in nature, animals, being around enlightened people and meditation.

For me it felt strange at first, as if was disobeing orders; but over time I got more familiar with it. I’m still on a journey with it! But for a long time now, I have been able to put a large amount of distance between what is going on in my life and who I am. This frees me up to act from inspiration and wisdom. It allows me to be impartial about challenges and stay neutral, not making it about ‘me’ and instead be immersed in the is-ness of it all.

breakthroughAnd do I still experience overwhelm, yes I do a little bit when I’m traversing new territory. This might be taking on a new project, dealing with a challenging family situation or needing to be there to support another. I’m not adverse to the idea that a Breakdown is actually a Breakthrough, as I address difficult situations head on and find a new way to respond to them. Either way, whether it is a Breakthrough or overwhelm my response to it is very different these days because I:

  1. Stop the cause of the overwhelm by addressing the issue (rather than hoping it goes away)
  2. Remember my true and infinite nature and remember I am bigger than my problems
  3. Remind myself to be in my present physical environment and not energetically elsewhere
  4. Choose to be OK with whatever happens rather than be attached or resistant to outcomes (no matter how hard it appears to be as not doing so is harder)
  5. Ask for help. I ask people to steady and guide me when I’m a bit wobbly or remind me of what I have forgotten
  6. Do what it takes to support myself. Take time off, spend extra time in nature or meditating. Basically put my-Self first
  7. Congratulate myself on my efforts and acknowledge my commitment to being peaceful.

Be proactive

My number one top tip though for dealing with overwhelm is to have a proactive approach to knowing my infinite true nature. This means engaging in practices such as Reiki and meditation to develop that awareness so that I spend more and more time operating from there. It means making a commitment to a daily practice, making it more important than anything else and seeking a similar tribe of people that know and appreciate the journey I choose to be on.

To this end, I run 2-3 mediation groups a week and teach Reiki to students from all over the UK. In my sessions and training, I give you first hand opportunity to experience your true nature, so that you may operate from that infinite place and grow your connection to it outside of the session. You are given the chance to ask questions and explore for yourself what coming from your true nature is like, as I guide and support you through the experience.

Together we reaffirm our commitment to being peaceful and to let go of anything that doesn’t serve. We focus on a proactive approach that gives us the tools to manage and be OK with modern life, and we meet new people that understand our journey and know what it is like to let go of one survival approach to start another.

Don’t just take my word for it though, come along and try it!

You can find out more about my Meditation groups here.

And about Reiki and learning Reiki here.


20150522 Barbara Yeo Photography Becci Harvey-14 lrBecci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainerReiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.

Why horses are part of our programmes

​Why do we bring horses into our health programmes? Because horses provide a vital opportunity to overcome our blocks to moving forwards. 

Once we’ve worked with out clients to address the underlying beliefs and environment that created their dis-ease, we also need to address what keeps them stuck, how they want to move forwards and what their idea of success looks like.

The horses are very good at picking up the more subtle reasons why we stay stuck, offer a safe and non-judgemental space to expand their skillset in and encourage and reward people to address their issues.

Though it may sound intimidating to look at our deepest fears, due to the very safe environment we create, it isn’t. Together, the horses and I encourage you to be honest with they way you are feeling and support you where necessary to be ok with that. 

Clients build confidence through small comfort zone stretches

Through building up a relationship with the horses and stretching our comfort zone bit by bit, we can learn to be ok with experiences such as fear and uncertainty and manage ourselves so we don’t ask too much, yet give ourselves and opportunity to exceed expectations and flourish.

Often those that have been sick for a long time have lost confidence in themselves and find it easy to revert back to old patterns when things get tough. The horses and I encourage them to try out a new approach based on courage, trust, faith, advocacy and self-belief. Invariably they succeed and set a new benchmark of what they are capable of. 

This then manifests into their day to day life, showing up as a greater willingness to try new things, improved self-awareness and self-management, and setting realistic goals and outcomes. This results in better energy management, clearer communication with others and higher probabilities of success.

In addition, the horses give individuals feedback through their behaviour. The horses might plant their feet and encourage the participany to slow down and be patient or be restless to encourage them to get going and stop being so cautious!  Through their ability to assess the needs of each participant and what is required to bring them back to balance, my experience is the horses are able to give accurate insight into what qualities are required to bring about inner harmony.

There is much much more that the horses do, in a such a short space of time, but this is enough of an insight at present. 

Eye on the prize. Clients determine what success would look like and take the journey with their equine partner

And what of today’s client? Well she learnt that if she experiences fear she doesn’t have to be held back by it, that her priorities now are being loving and kind to herself and “Be me”. Her chosen pony walked effortlessly along her journey with her, quietly, supportively and quite content demonstrating both that it can be done, and she already has all the resources she needs to make it happen. 

And that is why we work with the horses, because we couldn’t have got that outcome, any other way.

If you’d like to know more about our therapy and learning programmes with horses, visit www.HorseSenseUK.com.

Where does creation come from?

Where does creation come from? It comes from silence.

From still, silent, space a new idea, emotion or expression is formed.

Love comes from silence, direction comes from silence, be-ing comes from silence.

Because when we are silent, we can hear.

Hear our heart’s greatest desire, hear our intuition (inner-tuition), hear our soul purpose.

And from stillness, we are free to act on that.

When we are ‘busy’ we cannot hear.

We must be still, we must be silent, we must create a space for life to manifest in.

silence

You must feel in order to heal

It’s a rainy January day and I feel compelled to share a little insight into my day.

You see, today’s not been easy, and I want to make something good of it.

I get the feeling that some people think or very desperately want to think, I have the perfect life. I am definitely very positive and celebratory in what I share, but it doesn’t mean things are all sweetness and light, because if I am honest – just like anyone else, sometimes they aren’t.

Just like I suspect you are, I’m on a journey here on planet earth, and sometimes I’m faced with things I find difficult. Here’s a list of things I find difficult, particularly when I’m faced with a lot of them at once; perhaps you can relate:

  • Fitting in to societal norms
  • Being alone
  • Other people being upset/unhappy/emotional/unwell
  • Little variation (too much certainty)
  • Being shut out
  • Making decisions
  • Accommodating others
  • Needing to perform to receive love/acceptance/approval
  • The fear of being judged and punished for who I am, for being myself
  • Fear of authority
  • Fear of being taken advantage of
  • Fear around my credibility
  • Uncertainty
  • Fear that if I do what I want, I’ll let other people down
  • Fears I’m already letting other people down
  • Fears I’m delusional and can’t see it
  • Fears I’m not pulling my weight
  • Fears I am very broken and no-one is confident enough to tell me to go and get it sorted
  • Having to permanently be my own champion.

Man, that’s a lot of “stuff”!

Now, I could take a number of approaches to combat this, I could:

  • Distract myself
  • Eat/drink something to numb it out
  • Try and actively turn it around e.g. Sad to happy, by changing my thinking
  • Try and ignore it
  • Change environments

I could do any of those things to try to turn around how I am feeling right now but experience tells me, I’m best off doing none of those things and instead of running away from how I’m feeling, I’m best to let myself very gently feel it.

Why do what logically would appear to be counter intuitive by turning into what’s difficult for us? Because, we must feel to heal.
Our feelings are as a result of our thoughts, a biochemical response that is designed to aid our survival. So, whilst it is wise to change the way we think so we stop producing uncomfortable biochemistry, the situation I’m in right now is the need to address and release the biochemistry of historic thinking, so those thoughts can be released permanently from my system. I also need to set a precedent of not needing to avoid that biochemistry so I am capable of feeling emotions, particularly these ones from this particular trigger, and still have a fully functioning life.

For example, feeling sad but still showing up for work, feeling angry and still meeting a friend for lunch, feeling hurt and still wishing a friend happy birthday. In effect, being able to have a fully functioning day in spite of how I feel.

Why do this? Because when we avoid feeling a certain way, we shut ourselves down. We’re less likely to do all the things that keep us healthy and balanced like exercise, seeing friends, eating well when we are paralysed by putting all our effort into resisting our emotions.

Instead, we’d do well to develop a list of practices that help us authentically experience our emotions. For some it might be walks or time in nature, art, writing or reading poetry, talking with a friend, talking with a therapist, going to a spa- whatever you know works for you! Whatever you know helps you come to terms with something that’s difficult,  do it!

The beauty is, when you permit yourself to experience your emotions this way, you set yourself free. You set yourself free from perceived societal norms,  needing things to be different, needing to be cheerful all the time, needing to be what everyone else wants rather than what you are and you allow yourself instead to be honest, creative, uninhibited and open to change.

When we are truly poised in the centre of whatever is going on for us without running away, forcing an agenda or wanting things to be different to how they are, we stand poised and in a deeply powerful location. There is nothing more powerful than realising you don’t want what you have anymore, because at that point you’ll leverage the power and commitment necessary to change how you behave so you do get what you do want. Whether it’s a relationship, health, a more pleasant home or work environment or a greater cash flow – that that point you turn and lean into your emotional experience you’ll find all the motivation you need to bust out of old behaviours and develop new ones. They might be:

  • Allowing others to get to know you
  • Joining a new club, group or society
  • Scheduling in more relaxation or down time
  • Eating healthier
  • Honouring your truth
  • Permitting yourself to trust others
  • Asking for help
  • Making a regular health/finance/exercise commitment
  • Showcasing your work
  • Addressing a difficult situation/relationship

You see, feeling your emotions is one of the greatest acts of Self-love. It’s not naff or self-indulgent as others may have you think. No one can know what you are going through except you, so you must advocate for yourself and handle your issues in the best way you know how.

At the end of the day, our lives and our experiences are our responsibility, and nobody else’s.  Only we can determine what for us is right or wrong. We must  also understand that we will take many goes and we will most probably getting it wrong many times before we get it right – heck, I know I have!

So to conclude, we must feel to heal and permit our experiences to shape our decisions and choices moving forwards. And if you do that, and I do it too, we’ll be busting through the belief we must be happy all and have our sh*t together all the time because, sometimes we most decidedly do not!

And I for one am OK with that.

Let go of negative justification!

pensive-boy

Let go of justification!

When we feel something, and we feel it very strongly, it is because we feel JUSTIFIED in having that feeling. The stronger our feelings, the stronger our justifications for having things be that way.

For example, a person might feel very JUSTIFIED at being angry with someone for turning up 10 minutes late. They will then find many reasons, WHY they feel JUSTIFIED at being so angry that further reinforces that anger.

The basis of our justifications is our beliefs.

If someone holds very strong views and beliefs around the importance of being on time, that it is rude to turn up late or that turning up on time is linked to how much the person likes you, then they are likely to feel very JUSTIFIED about feeling hurt, angry or upset at another person’s lateness.

I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of this!

Strong beliefs have supported all sorts of harsh and unkind behaviours, from religious wars to apartheid and the illegality of homosexuality. In these cases, those promoting the harsh experiences felt very JUSTIFIED in doing so.

And the same, albeit on a smaller level, goes on for us. We feel very JUSTIFIED to carry out some of our most self-harming behaviours, based on our beliefs and conditioning.

This is why the MIND DETOX METHOD works so well. In the MIND DETOX METHOD, we establish what your fundamental beliefs are so we can decide if those beliefs are actually true. These beliefs are very core to us and shape absolutely everything we do – including what our bodies do. These beliefs may FEEL true, they may feel very normal and familiar, but when we actually look at them in the cold light of day – are they actually true?

Common beliefs clients find many JUSTIFICATIONS to support are:

It [a bad event] was my fault
I’m not good enough
I am not worthy of love
Mum/Dad left/hurt me because they didn’t love me
I deserved to be punished
Nothing can be done / I am powerless
Life is hard
Money is hard to come by
I am a victim of my circumstances
There is something wrong with me


All that list is, is a list of thoughts/beliefs that feel very familiar and comfortable to people – like a pair of comfy old slippers – but actually have no basis in truth or reality.

Yes, sometimes we are responsible for things, but it doesn’t make them all our fault – far more happens outside of our control than within our control.

Yes, sometimes we don’t meet the standard necessary to accomplish something, but this doesn’t make all of us not enough, in every circumstance – it was only relevant at that point in time and perhaps at that point in time, that outcome was a blessing in the long run.

And yes, sometimes it appears like the people around us don’t love us, but this is in no way a reflection of our worth, it is a reflection of what that person is going through at that point in time and how much THEY are struggling.

Get my drift?

SO, in the MIND DETOX METHOD, we are able to challenge some of the extraordinarily deep and fundamental beliefs we have created or acquired over time really quickly, painlessly and easily. Instead we naturally find ourselves wanting to replace them with statements of absolute truth such as:


I am a kind and generous person

I am enough

I deserve to be loved

My parents are good people, they were just trying to do the best they can with what they have.

It’s what’s known as self-love, self-esteem, confidence and compassion – attributes that are all vital to our health and wellbeing!! We literally turn our negative justifications on their head and look for reasons to love and support ourselves.

So next time you find yourself going through a very strong experience, stop and notice, what are your justifications for feeling that way? You may find that you have picked up one or two that are inaccurate that you might benefit from turning around. Letting go of these inaccurate beliefs and replacing them with more honest and accurate ones will let good energy and experiences flow through your life again. Now that is something you can justify – why you deserve to be and feel well!


 

20150522 Barbara Yeo Photography Becci Harvey-14 lr

Becci Godfrey is a Mind Detox practitioner and trainerReiki Master and Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfil their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here or follow Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells on Facebook.

Fall in love with you 

​We’ve been taught as kids to like ourselves, but not too much, or else we’ll be arrogant. 

The truth is, to reach our hearts greatest desire of completeness we have to fall in love with ourselves, hook line and sinker. 

We’ll not experience the harmonious experience of completeness till we love ourselves completely. 

That means:

 – letting go of what others have said about you

 – letting go of what society thinks

 – letting go of what you’d like yourself to be

 – letting go of perfectionisms and judgement 

 – letting go of any masks you hide behind

Instead it means:

 – wiping the slate clean and living in the present

 – making your connection to yourself more important than anyone else’s 

 – loving and embracing what you already are (quirks and all)

 – knowing you and everyone else is already perfect just as they are 

 – knowing judgement is just one big fat juicy lie

 – being a leader and a pioneer 

 – trusting good things come to those that love themselves

 – unashamedly being your true and authentic self and sharing it.
That means loving the quirks, the obstinate character, the not good with money, the no fashion sense – whatever it you perceive to be your weaknesses, you’ve got to love and accept those too, along with your strengths – your kindness to strangers, your talent with music, your ability to bring order, your gift with food.

We’ve been told not to love ourselves for too long. The truth is the world needs us to LOVE ourself, it needs us to be so full up on love and completeness we don’t need anything but our own attention and our own adoration, the excess of which we can share into the world as our surplus.