What holds you back? No confidence?

The word confidence comes from the Latin word confidentia, which means “firmly trusting, bold.” In modern day terms it is used to mean a feeling of trust in a person or thing, belief in one’s own abilities or a trustful relationship – e.g. “We have every confidence in their ability to succeed”.

Lack of confidence comes from a past memory or experience holding you back, sabotaging your results. This may come from a previous experience of someone doubting your abilities, never being given the opportunity to try or scattered and unstable relationships.

Low confidence is one of the key issues people cite as why they aren’t doing what they want to be doing in life.

Letting go, or overwriting that past script through something like a Mind Detox helps you to see things from a more balanced perspective. It will show up the event, person, place or thing that was prevalent in your decision to be unconfident (because before you were just neutral) and helps you to unearth the thought process that was the best survival tactic you could come up with at the time (and you have thus been using ever since).

However, often we find we could do with a better survival tactic, which is where a Mind Detox excels. In a short space of time, and in a painless way, you are able to overwrite your old survival tactics (neural pathways) with a new one that serves you better and makes use of your full adult wisdom.

confidence038

Revisiting your unconscious choices in an environment where you are calm and relaxed helps you to come to better conclusions and pick solutions that support you. The shift is instant and becomes your new norm as we are working with your unconscious mind, there is no conscious work required to sustain your new pattern.

Being confident has so many implications. It is a desirable characteristic in the workplace, relationships, parenting, creating new relationships, visiting new places, driving a car, performing and being creative and extends even as far as looking after your Self.

If you or anyone you know has confidence issues, please give them my details. It may be that a few short sessions would turn this situation around for them and help them to achieve the things they would like to. More details about the Mind Detox Method can be found at www.MindDetoxTunbridgeWells.co.uk.

I am loved

This weekend 14 of us are exploring what it is like to live more fully, in the moment, in accordance with absolute truth.

Today is the second day of a 2 1/4 meditation course known as a First Sphere. Taught by two modern day monks, the course teaches beginners and re-minds returning Ascenders four statements of absolute truth.

Thought on the surface of the mind and designed to return our awareness to who we really are, these statements have an absolutely fascinating impact on us. For some it will create an experience of absolute peace. For others it will result in a huge amount of stress leaving the nervous system. For most it will create both and everything in between.

I am always in awe and extreme gratitude to be a catalyst of release for people as they go through this process by providing a safe space for it all to take part in.

As a person that has been playing with Ascension for nearly 5 years and has hosted courses for 3 I have watched myself and countless others let go of the beliefs and misconceptions that no longer serve us.

Just yesterday as the group learnt their third technique I was reminded of how loved we are. Sat in a room with 12 other people all remembering they are loved by the highest force for good available is an incredible experience.

image

For me I realised I have no need to seek love in the people outside of myself as I am loved far more than I can imagine already. I also experienced a deep gratitude (and a tear) for the people that stick by me and love themselves with me so we might learn and grow together.

As a child my mind came to the conclusion I had to be or behave a certain way to get love. This incorrect conclusion resulted in a huge amount of conflict (stress) between my heart and soul that knew I was completely loved at all times and in all situations, and my mind that created a “I’m unlovable” belief and was on a quest to find more evidence to support that inaccurate statement.

As you can imagine, when I sit down and consciously reconnect with that knowing of how loved I am, my body and mind – where all that stress has been stored – does interesting things! Firstly my heart ached, then I twitched, then I got very sad and cried a little, then I felt euphoric and then finally after all that from the relief of letting it go and the deep exhaustion of carrying it for so long, I fell asleep.

The point I wanted to make with this post is when you do something that is loving, nurturing and supportive you will more than likely experience a release of stress. It is a bit like letting go of a stretched elastic band or depressing the button on an aerosol, there’s a wheeeeee or a woooooosch and it can be/feel quite dramatic! Different experiences of stress releasing in the group included:

– Pictures
– Emotions
– Jerking
– Pain
– Sleep
– Memories
– Incesant thoughts

For some, the realisation they are/were stressed is tricky. When I started this process, admitting I was stressed threw up all sorts of issues and fears for me and still can. First of all I feared not being loved because I was stressed, then I feared what I would experience physically and mentally if I did admit I was stressed and let go of it, thirdly I feared I’d be ridiculed and judged for my stress releasing experience and then finally I feared I would repeat the stress creating process again and it would all be a complete waste of time and effort as I was “useless, pointless and just plain difficult” – another unhelpful childhood conclusion!!

My fears were very real for me, however thankfully I didn’t create too many of them. Instead those around me were able to en-courage me to remain innocent and trusting and from that space I was able to navigate through.

I’m not superhuman or special, I’m a pretty typical example of what others are also capable of. For me a gently gently baby steps approach over a long period of time is what I could cope with but for others I can see it’s a an intensive ‘get on with it’ approach that suits them best, and perhaps we are all also somewhere in between.

I guess though the other point I wanted to make is that it is worth it. Once your stress is released you do feel freer and lighter. I’m capable of doing more now, opening up to people more and making a bigger difference than I could before and that makes me grateful (another positive emotion) and happy.

If you, or anyone you know would benefit from releasing their stress so they might express  themselves more fully check out this website: www.thebrightpath.com. Also contact me to find out when the next course here is. There is a wonderful growing community of Ascenders in the Tunbridge Wells area, so you’ll receive plenty of support after the course plus an easy opportunity to repeat (which is free).

Till then I wish you limitless joy, love, peace and happiness and a moments remembering you are good enough exactly as you are.

Becci
xx

Love, the missing health ingredient

“Take two of these twice a day with food”

That’s a pretty standard phrase you’d agree right from a pharmacist, GP, herbalist or nutritionist prescribing a medicinal healthcare solution.

How about?hug

“Ensure you have four hugs, a minimum of 1 hours chat with a friend, time in nature and 20 minutes with a pet daily.”

Not so common huh?

I think the healthcare profession is missing a bit of a trick when it comes to the most vital part of any health recovery programme and that is that no improvement happens unless you have love in the mix.

Obvious? Yes. Ever mentioned? Hmmm.

Whilst you might think that it’s not healthcare’s place to talk about love (it’s a given isn’t it, everyone is loved right? err, no not always), studies show that those that have caring friends or families recover far faster than those left to convalesce on their own.

When I look back at my own health story, there was one significant person that was hugely responsible in me turning my life around. I used to joke about spending time on their ‘magic sofa’. In reality, they had a sofa and they used it, whereas I rarely stopped long enough to do such a thing. Then there was the hugs, the fact they had the time to listen to me, they took me away from home and we did fun stuff together, they were a champion of my success and I had someone to care about too. We did odd diets together, shared the same interest in spirituality and were generally joined at the hip. I gave as good as I got, but basically, they looked after me till I found my feet again.

I have lots of experience of doing animal rehabilitation and the love solution works for them too. Positive physical touch, good nutrition, security, consistency, a pleasant environment, company, sufficient stimulation, a safe place to rest and a chance to express themselves are all the cornerstones of rehabilitation and staying well. All the above are supporting activities that can be seen as payments into the health bank account.

So how?

imgp6911

Get yourself a support network you can trust

So how do we turn things around when we are facing a health challenge? We need to create for ourselves a support network. A support network is a team of people that contribute to our health and wellbeing and share our common goal of being well. Some of these maybe friends and family members and some maybe healthcare professionals from different specialisms. You might choose a nutritionist to look at your diet to ensure optimal cell nutrition, a chiropractor to address the health of the nervous system, a counsellor, psychiatrist, Mind Detox Practitioner or meditation teacher to address our mental health, a somatic healer to look at our physical health, a religious leader or healer to look at our spiritual health and our regular friends to help us remember there is a world outside our health challenge.

Are you worth it? Of course you are. Despite what your past experiences might of been, everyone deserves to be loved.

Knowing and being aware of the importance of love in the health equation is the first step towards bringing this reality to you.

Be aware of any contradicting thoughts you have towards this fact, as these will be your limiting beliefs that will sabotage your success if left unchallenged. Write a list if necessary of all your thoughts around the statement “I deserved to be loved” so you can shine your light of consciousness on any hidden sabotaging beliefs you may have.

Love is crucial if you are to heal. You are born from love and will return to love when you die, but please make sure you live a life of love whilst you are here too.

What’s your truth?

One of the things I have to do as a therapist is create a safe space for people to explore feelings and emotions they may not have known they were carrying.

GIRL-LOOKING-AT-OCEAN

Through the Mind Detox Method, one of the things we do is ascertain the emotional reason associated with a belief that your unconscious mind tells us is linked to the symptoms and behaviours you are experiencing.

When I went through the process myself in 2010, I had no idea I was holding on to so many emotions! I certainly had no realisation I carried so much hurt around seemingly trivial things and to release a lifetime’s worth of anger was certainly a positive experience!

It’s hardly surprising though; emotional literacy is something that is only just about gaining mainstream traction, and even then it’s seems more acceptable to the younger generation than those that were brought up in an era where emotions were to be stuffed down and ignored because your country needed you and you had a job to do!

However, the modern day world is waking up to the idea of emotional literacy and emotional health as more and more people become conscious and the old ways of working have their limitations and problems.

Emotional literacy is the ability to connect to and process strong feelings and emotions. These may be both positive and negative emotions ranging from extreme happiness to feelings of hopelessness and despair.

An example of emotional literacy in action is a baby – an individual that expresses themselves with complete freedom. In adults you may see it in strongly authentic leaders, in healers and sages and poets and those that work in the arts.

Examples of people with low emotional literacy are harmful psychopaths, often those with health challenges, excessively shut down employees or parents or dictatorial leaders.

Most people sit on the spectrum somewhere in between.

My job as a healer is to help people be OK with their emotions wherever they may be. Either through positive touch (Reiki Healing) or creating a safe space for people to be listened to and heard I am able to help people process and release difficult emotions that may be causing them behavioural challenges. People often find that once these emotions have been processed and allowed to go that life flows more smoothly and they feel more free.

It takes real courage to open up Pandora’s box and explore what is within. However those that do are often grateful they have. In particular with the Mind Detox Method, many discover that they cannot even remember the problem or emotion once the session is done. This is because there is a very clever line in the method simply asking the unconscious mind to deliver the learning that would neutralise the problem in such a way that the person would feel as if the problem never existed.

imageIf you or someone you know might benefit from a technique that would help people to let go of the past and any emotions connected to it so they can be more fully in the present moment, then please share with them this article.

For more information about the Mind Detox Method and some success stories on how it has helped others, please visit www.MindDetoxTunbridgeWells.co.uk.

Holistic Day

DSC_0023On Sat 23rd May, Mind Detox Tunbridge Wells, in conjunction with Reiki Mark Cross and Jikiden Reiki Health hosted another of their popular Holistic Days.

These days are a chance for those that are interested in wellbeing and health to experience new things, meet new people and have a day on enjoyable self care.

DSC_0022The morning started with a talk by Ishaya Monk Garuda on the experience of peace. Garuda shared how with the right tools this can be very easy as all the mind ever wants is to rest back into its true infinite nature. His talk comes at a great time as we are hosts to a First Sphere course here in Mark Cross on 10-12th July.

DSC_0035After a short break, our next session was lead by the gigglicious Caroline Hart – a local Life and Laughter Coach who lead a session of Laughter Yoga.

Caroline showed us how easy it was to bring more joy and laughter into our life as she walked us through all the different laughter sounds, laughing for no reason, bill laughter, gibberish compliments and two gibberish interviews, culminating in free-fall laughter where you literally roll around on the floor laughing for no reason at all (so much easier than you would imagine!).

DSC_0031      DSC_0053

The afternoon was given over to Reiki Swaps with several people having the opportunity at experiencing and giving healing for the first time. The idea that the simple laying on of hands brings positive benefits to others can be a bit of a revelation for some – but it is true – you can! With a fair few people considering training to be Reiki Healers as a result.

DSC_0020Some £165 from the event was raised for the charitable cause, Ren’s FMT procedure, which I have received a heartfelt thanks for. If you, or anyone you know would like to make an additional donation to this cause and relieve a financial stress for someone very lovely, you can do so here: www.gofundme.com/boywhocanteat


DSC_0007 (2)The next Holistic Day is on Sat 26th September, 9.45am-4.30pm. The day will start with a session with the fabulous HorseSense UK therapy horses, followed by a talk on life coaching by the inspirational Hazel Addley of Hazel Addley Coaching. The afternoon will be given over to Reiki treatments and a chance to receive and have a go at giving healing yourself. Tickets for this event can be purchased here: www.eventjoy.com/e/holistic-day-2047399

We look forward to you joining us!

Do you practice self-compassion?

I have this fantastic Tuesday morning meditation group and we talk about all sorts of things like our week and our experiences, but mostly the focus is on helping them to get into balance with what is going on in their lives.

selfcompassionOne of the topics that comes up is their outer projections on the world around them and how they feel about themselves.

Today we talked about depression and the stigma that goes with it. Almost everyone in the group had experienced depression at some time and all agreed that it wasn’t particularly pleasant. What the group however didn’t know and realise was that depression is actually a positive sign – a side effect of being in a relatively good space and the body using that opportunity to do something about old issues and heal.

Depression is defined as feelings of being sad, miserable or low for either a short period, or in the case of clinical depression for a longer period of time. It tends to make people want to withdraw and participate less in life, or can create erratic or excessive behaviour to cover up the feelings of being sad. It has many causes such as diet, trauma (job loss, death of a loved one, a relationship ending), side effects from medication or as a result of another illness so it requires a little bit of sleuth work to determine from where the depression may originate.

Historically, I believed depression to be a bad experience – one to be resisted and avoided through keeping busy, maniacally trying to control my outer environment and through avoiding my trigger stimuli. However, all my training and more recent life experiences has turned thoughts and feelings about depression on its head. In order to become a therapist you must first go through hour own learning experience. I trained in three key practices – Mind Detox, Reiki healing and Equine Assisted Learning. Each of these gave me a fascinating insight into the mechanisms of depression and how it really wasn’t the bad experience that I had come to judge that it was.

First of all, Mind Detox taught me that all feelings and emotions in the body comes from beliefs. If I have the belief I should be loved (should is a judgemental word) and I wasn’t then I would create an experience I would likely try and resist. This belief is likely to create an emotion, in my case it was sadness, and I will go through life looking to find more and more reasons to prove my belief right. Go back via the Mind Detox Method to determine that belief and emotion I can see that despite not being loved as much as I might have liked, I was loved enough to still be here and that whole belief system isn’t serving me so I can choose to change it to something else like “well done me, I survived and have come good even though times were tough, I rock!”

The Reiki taught me a lot about creating a safe and supportive space for people that are going through difficult experiences. It also taught me that all positive experiences come from a place of love, so by providing that space of love for myself and others I created an environment in which I would thrive and I would be able to heal and provide healing to others, whatever that journey was.

Finally, the Equine Facilitated Learning taught me about authenticity. Unlike humans, horses don’t have well developed egos. If a horse feels down they have no qualms in showing it. This fearless authenticity opens up a space for others to share and express how they really feel. It’s not uncommon for those with hidden challenges to express their emotion to a non-judgemental horse in a way they never would to a human. Horses also value balance, so given a choice and the offending stimulus removed, a horse does not stay depressed for long. They are fantastic self-regulators and have no issues asking their herd or humans for healing or for help.

In order to restore ourselves to balance when we experience depression we must address the cause of our depression. If it is emotional, this requires us to feel our sadness fully so the imbalance may be acknowledged and dealt with. This could be a change in our thinking, or receiving the positivity, love and nurture required not experienced at the time to offset a difficult experience.

Seeing as symptoms of depression only come up when the body is in a position to heal they are actually something to be grateful for. Far more worrying is the person that pushes themselves hard to ignore how they are feeling that ultimately ends up in a far worse way. You wouldn’t ignore a warning light on your car or a rapidly extending mountain of debt, so why ignore your accumulating sadness and ignore your mental health? Trust me, I’ve tried – it doesn’t go away!

self-compassion1-e1390706176483

There is also a positive side to the way depression makes us behave. It forces us to retreat within, which stops us from experiencing more harmful stimuli. It is also a sign to our tribe around us that we are hurt and in need of help and love. In the horse herd, depression is treated by other horses staying close, mutual grooming and extra attention from the most nurturing mares. It is a herd responsibility to deal with the emotional wellbeing within the herd as survival depends on it. Now contrast that with how some humans treat and reject depression – ouch!! Depression is difficult enough, let alone when you add an extra burden to it by labelling it as bad.

And this is why I ask, do you practice self-compassion? When you are depressed and down, do you love yourself enough to stop and deal with those feelings of sadness? Do you know when something is bigger than what you can handle on your own and let others know you are in need of their kindness? Or do you judge yourself and say you have failed and it to the list of things that make you feel down?

In my experience, as people work through their sadness and put their light of consciousness on it the depression eases and their symptoms naturally go. For some this is a small task, and for others it is larger. What is left is a deeper sense of strength and an inner resilience.

I have a lot of respect for anyone that is willing to deal with their reasons for depression because I know how much courage that takes. What I hope I have done today is taken away a little bit of the myth that depression is bad and something to be ashamed of, and that there is no one out there that understands or would help. It is true, no one has had your unique experience of depression except you – you are special in that sense, but there are others out there that understand its mechanism and what the body is trying to tell you and that want and know you can be well. My entire mission in life is to create a safe space so that others and I may heal.

So make it a mission to practice self-compassion, which is patience and loving kindness to yourself and wherever necessary reach out for help. Depression isn’t just your problem, its responsibility actually lies with everyone.

Do you set an intention for your relationships?

I used to live in a very reactionary fashion prior to my learning about the ins and outs of relationships, which meant I was at the mercy of my unconscious mind and lived my relationships through the filters of my past. This made them volatile and insecure, success was by complete chance and I had no power of getting the outcomes I wanted.

Now my experience is very different. I understand that what I focus on I will get more of, which means if I am in a situation I don’t like I must focus on what I want. So if someone is not listening to me, I will focus on that person listening. If I want to build a deeper connection with a person, perhaps because I want to do a piece of work with them or I would like to spend more time with them and get to know them better I might focus on that person trusting me or having that person’s respect and enjoying my company.

This frees me up to take the inspired action I must take to get there and fills my body with positive biochemistry, which is enabling, rather than negative biochemistry, which shuts the body down.
By focusing on what I want rather than what I don’t want I know that even if I have to take a very obscure path and wait for the other person to come round to my way of thinking, I have at least given myself the best chance of getting there.

family_relationships

Try it! If there is someone you would like to have different relationship with, ask yourself, what do you want? Now visualise yourself with that final outcome. Now here’s the critical bit, by keeping one eye on the final destination you must start by deciding what the next small step is in front of you. It may be that it is only one thing you have to do to get to where you want, and in other situations it is many many steps. There are no shortcuts, only what you are capable of at the time, but the focus must be on the here and now.

And finally, only you can decide whether you want to go through with your initial intention. You may find on tour journey things end up panning out differently to how you expected or that no matter how much you visualise your success the other person says no. Respect these things as you would want them respected for you as this is the beauty of relationships – they offer enormous potential for growth and I think that is something to be celebrated!