Self-care ground rules for CFS/ME

I was doing some work with a client today and it seemed very clear that it was important I shared my work notes with them, so they might have something to think about and play with before we met again.

Mark is a 24 year old musician, who’s spent the last 6 years with varying degrees of Chronic Fatigue, food intolerance’s, stomach pains and general energy issues to the point where he’s had to give up living independently and move back in with his mum from time to time or he lost too much weight from not being able to look after himself.

Following looking at what exactly Mark wanted to get from life and his sessions with me, we set about finding the root cause stress of his body shutting down.

ME/CFS in my experience is a “can’t fight, can’t flight, play dead” reaction, when the body experiences more stress than it can handle. If left untreated this will build exponentially with each year the stress is not addressed, so that despite all your best efforts you never get well. This is what was happening to Mark.

Mark was easily able to recall an experience that had been very stressful for him and we set about clarify that stress. We then found the antidote learnings that would enable his to body to allow the memory to still be there, but the emotions previously associated with it to be gone and him feel more neutral now.

Key to the learning experience was that the stress was in the past, everyone and everything had moved forward now and there was no need to hold on to it any longer – it had served it’s purpose and was now free to leave.

The advice below compliments the session we had and the knowing that there is as much value in removing the stress as in making lifestyle changes that will support and the newfound state of freedom. Take from them what you find to be valuable.

1) I strongly suspect the final straw/crux of your ME is the event you shared today. There may be other small things, other topics we’ve talked about are definitely a contributing factor but you said yourself you had no idea what to do and you were in shock – this is the body shutting down to lessen the pain of death I spoke to you about. Today we were able to tell your body that experience is over and all is well. This will remove a huge volume of stress.

2) You may have some interesting conversations with people as a result of today – go with it!

3) You naturally care and are compassionate to others. This is a wonderful attribute to have. In order for you to make it work for you we must first teach you how to direct that inward so you may heal yourself before you share your surplus with others. Always always you first, which ensures there will be more than enough for everyone else.

4) It is not selfish to look after yourself but indeed a necessity and your responsibility. Get to know yourself very very well. Find out what you like and what you don’t like. Do more of what you like, the rest of the world will take care of itself.

5) Choose your company wisely. As a sensitive, caring person some people will lift you up, others will pull you down. Be prepared for the relationships in your life to change. Trust you will always draw in what you need including the life lessons of who needs to go! Sensitive people have to master this art more than most, so quit comparing yourself to others and work out what works for you. The new you will draw in new people to support you.

6) Body checking isn’t bad – what you are checking for and what you do with that information can be. Checking in with your body on whether someone or something is a good or bad idea is great – symptom searching is not! Remember your thinking comes first and your symptoms arise from that. There can be a time delay, so a thought at 11am could produce symptoms at 12, 3pm or the next day. Let go of any correlation and instead choose for your highest desire – contentment. You don’t have to wait until the circumstances are perfect to feel it, you can choose and work towards it now. So when/if you find yourself body checking ask yourself what would make me content right now? Go with the answer and you’ll be living your life in the same way music comes to you.

7) Finally, give yourself plenty of time. Time to just ‘be’ is hugely under-utilised in modern living which seems determined to destroy us! Aim to spend as much time ‘being’ as you do, ‘doing’ – this is the meaning of balance. Decide what being is to you (it could be appreciating nature, people watching, meditating or doing healing) and make it part of your schedule.

Learn these critical skills now and you will have a strong foundation for any future ventures whether its mega pop star, homeless bum or a parent.


 

bec_murph_200x280Becci Harvey is a Mind Detox practitioner, Master Reiki Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfill their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here.

Emotional Freedom

I’m a firm believer in balance. My experience is the Universe never leaves out what you need, nor allows you to ignore your areas of growth. By allowing yourself to experience both sides of the equation in all your doings you allow your body to rest and be at neutral.

This means even the most difficult of experiences have their equal and opposing benefits.

It is ok to feel sad as it is ok to feel happy. It is ok to be confused and it I ok to be crystal clear – neither one is right or wrong.

Allowing yourself to feel and experience the complete gamut of emotions and experiences is what makes us human beings. This is not about being governed and ruled by our emotions but aware of them and holding a space in which they are able to come up out of the body to be freed.

As many of my clients say they want freedom, I know that for some that will be the knowing it is ok to experience all emotions. I can think of no greater gift than the gift to yourself of emotional freedom and support all those that create a safe space for themselves so that that is ok.

How you might feel after a healing session

As Mind Detox Therapist, I am well aware that the work that I do is sometimes very deep and very significant and this will produce changes.

In this post I intend to look at some of the changes you might experience and how best to look after yourself in the first few hours and days after a session.

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1) Be patient. Many people come to me to let go of a problem that they have had for as many as 1-60+ years and want an instant cure. Whilst most people bounce out of a session beaming and already different the full impact of the session will take time to manifest fully into your life. Most cells take between days to 4 weeks to replace themselves. New cells will carry your new behaviour, but you may still have some mild symptoms as the old ones run their course. Keeping a diary is a great way to document the changes over a long period of time. My own experience also shows that a good nights sleep does wonders to help the brain process and normalise your new way of being, so make sure you give yourself the opportunity to have a good night’s rest.

2) You may be emotional. Emotions = energy in motion, and are the biochemistry produced as a result of our thoughts. In order for our emotions to leave our neural pathways they must be expressed and released. This means you may be more emotional than normal after a healing session. Be aware of this and give yourself the time, space and support should that reality happen. Journalling, allowing yourself some quiet space alone, or going for a walk in nature are all good ways to allow yourself to release the habits and biochemistry of the past. Drinking plenty of water also allows any toxins that may have surfaced to be released, and eating healthy food will give you the fuel you need to move through this transitionary period.

3) You may feel temporarily sad about the past. For many a healing session makes them look at life in a different perspective. This may result in some feelings of guilt or sadness from the way you used to behave. You may realise perhaps that you let a friend down, you were overly harsh on your children or you shut out a parent unintentionally. Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time and know that you were always doing your best. You may also feel sad or angry about the way other people treated you. Forgive them for not knowing better and know that they were only doing their best too. We are all human and we were never born with a manual telling us how to do it all.

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4) You may feel very tired. Healing is a cleansing experience, which may temporarily overload your brain and your detox organs as they re-organise themselves. In particular, a healing session that looks at thought patterns will require a large amount of mental concentration. Observe your experience and if it continues speak to you therapist, as there may be other underlying reasons why the tiredness is persisting. Again make sure you are getting enough good quality sleep, drinking plenty of water and eating light, healthy, fresh food full of vitamins and minerals to support your physical body as much as possible.

5) Other symptoms may arise. Many people seek a therapist to heal one or a couple of symptoms. However, in many of the cases that I have seen, these particular symptoms are “the straw that broke the camels back”. This mean that there are a whole raft of other traumas or difficulties that person was carrying before their current symptoms fully got their attention. My experience is, that once you are willing to listen to your body and your emotions it may choose to tell you everything it wishes you to address. This can feel intense and overwhelming, as it would for a blind person to suddenly regain their sight. Be patient, you are going through a period of change. Things will, when they are ready, settle down to a new form of normal. Activities such as meditation, Reiki healing, long chats with friends, time with animals and writing down how you feel all help with these transitional periods.

6) You may be confused. Confusion literally means the fusion of new ideas. Confusion is actually a very constructive part of a learning journey and is a sign you are embracing something new. Often when going through a healing experience you challenge old beliefs and embrace new ones. Sometimes these beliefs can be the complete opposite of what you believed before. For example, a person that had the belief “I am hated” would potentially feel very confused when they realise in a healing session the exact opposite is true. Seeing as we see/feel/experience our world through a series of filters, when a “I am hated” filter becomes a “I am loved” the world will start to look like a very different place. In time you will adjust and forget it was ever a problem, but to start with it may feel a little confusing and strange.

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7) You may be more sensitive to the thoughts/feelings/actions of other people. Healing work often opens up a more spiritual connection to ourselves. People therefore can find that they become more sensitive to negative experiences and can’t tolerate the same toxic environments they used to. Increased sensitivity is very normal and common as you return back to your full abilities as a spiritual being. Many of us have shut down our spiritual and psychic side in order to conform to a non-spiritual society, causing ourselves much harm along the way. Those that are drawn and motivated enough to go through healing experiences are often those that are more sensitive and open to the thoughts/feelings and actions of others anyway. Honour your newly returned sensitivity by being more discerning about who you choose to spend your time with and making sure you have time and space to spend alone. Practices such as meditation and Reiki are great for helping you to better understand the world around you and will give you the knowledge to protect yourself from the potentially unintentionally harmful activities of others. Putting yourself first in these situations is not selfish but sensible till you are strong enough to be around challenging experiences and still remain internally balanced.

8) Others may not understand the journey you are on. When you come for a healing experience, it will have a ripple effect on the people around you. Partners and family may find the change in you difficult and may act up as a result. Whilst most families and partners are loving and supportive, it is important to note that change will always produce an element of fear in some. Give people plenty of time and space to adjust and they will. Similarly, whilst you may be going through a big period of change, those around you may not wish to be a part of it, or follow in your footsteps, however much you may want them to. Respect that everyone is on their own journey. Sometimes that means stepping away from someone for a period of time and sometimes it means getting closer. Trust your instincts on this, as there is no right or wrong. Trust and respect too that others are perfect just as they are and there is no need for them to change unless they wish to.

9) You might do something crazy! I remember after my first Reiki session I went bonkers (in a good way) and did something I wouldn’t normally have done. It was like all the beliefs that had been holding me back had been taken away and I became a completely different person (or so it felt at the time). In truth, I was now free, balanced and no longer repressed. I had become so accustomed to my former low level of performance and energy that to be anything different felt very alien. Thankfully those around me hardly noticed at all and there was no lasting damage. Like a spring being coiled up for a very long time and then released, you may feel or behave very differently shortly afterwards and need to let off steam. Sometimes this can be physically in terms of running around, others it can be verbally. In time this experience will settle down and your new found freedom will feel much more normal. Communication and expression of any kind is often rarely resisted by the people around when it is authentic. Being able to express all kinds of moods and emotions is one of the things that makes us human – so permit in yourself as you would others.

10) You may be deliriously happy! Not a bad experience to have at all! Once you have let go of something that has been bothering you – especially if it is for a long time, the sense of relief and happiness can be immense. Enjoy this wonderful period of positive feelings and use it to nurture other areas in your life that can benefit from some positive attention. Extend this happy period by being intentionally grateful for the wonderful things you have in your life, the people that have helped you to get to where you are and that you are alive at all. Letting go of any other resistance, fear or grievance is much easier when you are already happy and you may find yourself clearing other issues too. People often report they are able to have difficult or much needed conversations with people after a session and this is just one example of how your behaviour and therefore relationships with others will shift.

 

Whilst I appreciate this is not an exhaustive list, it does however cover the key points and questions clients experience and ask me about. There can be some comfort in knowing that people’s experiences are often very similar when going through a period of healing and there will be others out there that can empathise with the changes you are going through. Having a great support group is critical to your success and it is worth investing time and energy into making that happen. There are hundreds of local, national and global organisations that know how daunting it is to step into a new way of being and that will offer love, guidance and support. Should you need them, reach out to these people, as in my experience they are only too happy to help and pass their experience and wisdom on. And in time, that person that could be there for others and hold open the door to change and a happier way of being could be you. For that alone, I suspect the journey is worth it.


 

bec_murph_200x280Becci Harvey is a Mind Detox practitioner, Master Reiki Teacher and Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator. From her base in Mark Cross, East Sussex she helps hundreds of people locally and all over the world overcome their life, emotional and health challenges to fulfill their potential.

To find out more, or find out what up and coming courses are available you can visit Becci’s professional profile here.

How I overcame CFS

A horse owner asked me over the weekend, how did I get over my Chronic Fatigue? I thought I would also share my response here…


 

ME/CFS is an interesting bit of feedback our bodies give us when we are not living in accordance with the truth. All illness is either feedback we need to make some changes or a source of spiritual growth, and often both of those things.

For me, Mind Detox was the ultimate thing I did that resolved me CFS, and the great thing about it is once you have finished the session, you know it is done and your life will be different moving forwards.

My CFS was as a result of deciding, aged 4, that I wasn’t loved. I was in a situation I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t flight because I was too young to leave home and be independent, so I ‘played dead’. By that I mean something the body does to protect itself when it thinks it is about to be killed.

My thought, that I wasn’t loved, was so self-destructive, I caused my body to shut down. I created a death like state that became more apparent each year as my mind found more and more ways to prove the belief and my biochemistry responded by making me tired all the time, have poor muscle tone, low immunity and suppress my digestion.

As it happened, it was absolute rubbish that belief I created when I was 4 years old. I absolutely was loved! I was loved so much I had a roof over my head, a family to look after me, pets, open space to live in, food, and parents that wanted the very best for me.

Most of our beliefs in life are created in the first 12 years of life. Some we get from ourselves, some we get from others and believe without questioning them, some I think we may be born with. By questioning my belief I was able to see how inaccurate it was and challenge it. In doing so, I brought back balance and was able to see both sides of the coin – which allowed my body to go back to normal and be healthy.

I did all this in conjunction with wellness chiropractic, which helped relieve the stress of my nervous system from years of sport, injuries and toxic thinking, acupuncture – which opened up my energy channels and Reiki, which helped me overcome all sorts of traumas, and still does.

Finally, my experience of those with CFS is that they are often blissfully unaware of how important they are. I find many are working so hard to please others, thinking that if they could just get X to like them, then everything would be ok. I would strongly suggest you explore something like a Mind Detox to find out why you have created the problem and start the learning process that will bring you back to balance.

My journey took me about 14 years and in that time I learnt to look after myself very, very well. Everyone’s reason for CFS is different, but it is a journey and you’d do well to trust your intuition as you go along as it knows the way.

Your CFS is actually a huge gift that is going to teach you so much about life! Work with it, allow it to lead you, because it has something very important to tell you. Your CFS actually wants you to be loved, happy, healthy and whole – its just the messenger to tell you you’ve not got there yet! Noticing that the symptoms have gone is the best feeling in the world. Looking back and seeing how much more you can do now than you did before is incredible and you’ll feel very very proud because it will be all you that did it.

And as for the horses, all I could do when I was really ill was muck mine out each day and ride about 3 times a week. He too got a virus and became permanently exhausted. Curiously enough, the remedy for the vet for him was to gallop him for 3 minutes a day 3-4 times a week – which seemed to work. I noticed too that one of the remedies they suggest for CFS now is a graded exercise programme.

bec_murph_200x280You will get over your CFS, just as when you stop running your heart rate returns to normal. Visualise yourself well and what that would look like and you will get there one way or another.

Good luck!

Becci

xx

Anxiety and depression in the news

It is with much sadness that the UK has woken up to the news this morning that the actor Robin Williams has passed away following a suspected suicide.

I have long known that Robin Williams had suffered from depression and had self medicated with alcohol, though I was unaware he was still suffering.

As is so often the case, someone that brought so much joy and laughter to others, was unable to bring it to themselves.

Depression and anxiety are the consequences of believing something that factually isn’t true and therefore sits badly with our body. This could be something like, ‘I will never be successful’, ‘the world is not a safe place’ or ‘I cause more harm than good’.

If I had to guess what Robin Williams believed from his mannerisms and facial expressions it would be that there was something wrong with him that meant he was unloveable, a pattern most probably laid down in childhood.

When our bodies respond to us with feelings of lethargy, darkness, fear and anxiety it is telling us that our thinking is unbalanced and we must pay attention and perhaps make some changes.

Short periods of depression and anxiety are healthy and normal, and remind us we are a human that is capable of a full spectrum of emotions. For these periods, I recommend time with friends and meditation, where you can learn to witness your thoughts and feelings with a compassionate and detached perspective and in doing so allow them to move through you and leave.

For long periods of depression and anxiety, I recommend a Mind Detox to look at the underlying emotion and belief as to why depression and/or anxiety is showing up in your life. It may be that there is just one, or that there are a number of reasons, each adding to the intensity of the feelings you experience.

Many of our beliefs are created when we are very young or adopted from the adults around us. This can result in us not questioning our thoughts and beliefs, or feeling like we are a fraud because there is no obvious outer cause for feeling the way you do.

In Robin’s case, I suspect there was also a large amount of keeping an outward facing facade of joy and happiness, when inside it was a very different story. This too adds to our burden and creates uncomfortable conflict within us.

Working with a skilled 127135atherapist will first of all allow you to open up to the way you are feeling without being judged or needing to be ‘fixed’. In time, with your permission they will allow you to see where your thinking has become unbalanced and help you to set that straight.

Taking time to tackle the things that negatively impact you pays dividends in the long run. Not only will this improve your life, but it will improve the lives of the people around you as well as improve your mental and emotional resilience and your chances of staying physically and mentally healthy.

Some may find they can overcome their challenges quite quickly, whilst others may take a little more time to restore balance.

We each have our own journey to take, and instead of seeing depression and anxiety as a problem that needs to be ‘cured’, it is perhaps helpful to see it as a gift of growth and learning that will take you to wonderful places you wouldn’t have otherwise experienced.
If you, or someone you know is suffering from anxiety and/or depression I offer a free 30 minute no-obligation phone chat to find out whether Meditation or Mind Detox would be right for you. You can find out more on my Mind Detox website: www.MindDetoxTunbridgeWells.co.uk with Skype and telephone consultations are also available.

Beyond conflict is love

It is impossible to escape the conflict that is being published around the world right now. Ukraine, Palestine, Benghazi, Libya – the news is full of tales of fighting, death and distraught and grieving people.
What could fuel such destructive behaviour, and are we immune from this in the UK?

When I hear about conflict around the world like this, especially when there seems to be so much of it, it reminds me of my responsibility and the part that I play.

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Each of us is responsible for our own behaviour, but also for the behaviour that we allow to happen around us. If I am caught in the middle of conflict, I have the capacity to choose how I respond and what I create from this moment forwards.

It is my experience that few people appreciate how powerful and influential they are, instead choosing to play small and denounce their powers. Any powerful leader will know that they can enthuse and inspire their followers, just as any mother knows that she can be a calming and soothing influence to her distraught child.

We have the power to shape the way our world is created – in fact it is the cornerstone our existence is built on. If you want more health, affluence, connectedness, purpose you have the capacity to create those things. It your job, and your job alone to create the life you wish to live, in alignment with your values and desires.

Similarly, if you are experiencing conflict in your world, there are steps you can take to create a different outcome. You have the capacity to change the recipe that created the conflict. Like for example changing sugar for salt, cream of chilli powder or vegetables for fruit in a food recipe. These changes will produce different outcomes, just as different behaviours by the people involved produce different outcomes.

It requires much courage and faith to make those changes and I always have a lot of respect for those that do. Finding the right mentors, role models, coaches, teachers, support network and cheerleaders is essential in helping you let go of old behaviours and take on new more supportive ones. It is like letting go of the side of the pool for the first time and swimming – you don’t know whether it will work till you do it. Till you do it, you will never grow.

So the task that lies ahead for these conflict-torn places is to find a new way of being and to find a new way to behave. These areas must want peace more than anything else.

Our job here in the UK is to be the coaches, role models, mentors, cheerleaders, the support network – the people that call these conflict areas to a higher standard. We must share what we have learnt about respect and compassion for one another being more important than being right or having material wealth or power. We must role model how we must love and accept the values and needs of others – that we are in this together and our success and survival depends on us working together rather than tearing one another apart.

I understand that in each of this areas of conflict there is a misguided attempt to love, be it a love of their own people, a love of money or a love of security. Most people, when pushed, believe their actions to be taking them closer to love. Our job is to help them take that step closer to love in a healthy and balanced way.

For me, the more we let go of the mind and rest in being, the more health, balance and prosperity we will experience.

The nature of the mind is to be that little voice in our head that tells us we’re not good enough, we are at risk, we must earn more, we must more powerful, we must, we must, we must – the mind can be endless with its chatter and its demands.

However, the voice of your mind is not who you are.

Yes, we have a mind, but that voice in our head is not ‘us’.

Beyond the mind, we exist as pure potential. Beyond that incessant chatter is being and consciousness. Here, everything is good enough just as it is, you are safe, you are abundant and powerful. Here you act from pure love. You are caring and compassionate towards others, you see yourself and others connected as one and you understand your actions are like a ripple in the ocean.

The potential to explore this space exists for all of us. Practices such as meditation, Reiki, enjoying a beautiful sunset and soaking up the joy and innocence of children gives us a glimpse into this world, that with practice can become our daily experience.

We have a choice how we behave and the change we seek starts with us.

I send much love, hope and courage to those areas that are experiencing conflict. I wish to share with them the peace, joy and quiet that is in my heart. I hope I act as a good role model and I hope in time they will choose it for themselves too.

True wealth

WP 20140603 15 17 16 Pro 1 I took some time out recently to go and sit atop the beautiful sandstone rocks at Eridge, because my intuition gave me the hit to do so.

Sitting on this cliff of sandstone, surrounded by trees, birdsong and the strong whiff of this most beautiful tree in blossom I was overcome with a sense of immense relief. Why? Because in 2009 I gave up working full time to pursue my dream of a better quality of life where mydreams and passions were honoured, not someone elses, and here I was five years later still doing just that.

I’ll admit, I’d actually gone to get away from the office to think more clearly about how I could connect to more clients, but instead found myself realising I was exactly where I needed to be, that everything was on track and I was doing exactly what I wanted to do at this point in time.

The analogy of “getting away from it all”, was perfect. Apart from a couple of dog walkers I was completely alone, and as an emotional empath I need to be alone to connect in to me. I, like so many people, find it so easy to put everyone else first and get caught up in everyone elses thinking. My head will go something like this… I should be this, I should do that, I should blah blah blah. Like the traffic that was whizzing down the nearby A26, it can be endless!!

So here I am on the top of these rocks and in this subliminal moment, I realised that having time to slow down, be at peace, be at one with nature to recharge the batteries is exactly what I wanted. It is my definition of being wealthy. This is not a financial wealth, but a wealth of being free and being able to honour my intuition.

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Take time to smell the elderflowers…

What worked so well, was I had listened to myself. I had got the hit this was something I needed to do and I had acted on it. I didn’t know why, I didn’t know what outcome it would give, I just went in good faith this was important and subsequently discovered it was.

I took a moment to think what a contrast a life locked up in our minds is like. As I was listening to the traffic whizzing down the road I wondered how much of life were they experiencing, or like the scenery around them, how much was passing them by? Those individuals may earn a lot more than I do or get a lot further up the material possessions scale, but if that was me behaving that way what cost would that be to me and what would be the quality of my experience?

I didn’t need to answer, I knew I was far more wealthy as I was…

Wishing you a joyous June and many moments of wealthy peace for yourself.

Becci

xx